


Shrouded in Light

by i_dalliance



Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_dalliance/pseuds/i_dalliance
Summary: After facing the remnants of Cerberus and finding each other again, Garrus and Shepard retire to an old farmhouse on Earth and spend their days making up for lost time.Now they go to Palaven for Shepard to make a public appearance and learn that humans are not the only species with prejusticed members. Garrus needs to keep both the woman he loves and his family safe from his own species.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088747
Comments: 17
Kudos: 51





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to The Voice in the Dark. You will probably need to read that to understand this.

_“Mama,” Garrus tugged at his mother’s pants, watching the turian woman’s body shift down to look him in the eyes before he held something out, “Here.”_

_“Pretty,” she hummed, holding the fossilised shell in her talons, “No chips, very nice. I’ll keep it right next to my heart.”_

_She slipped it into her pocket and he just reached up, hands curling around the end of her mandibles as she pushed her forehead against his._

_“You know,” she hummed, hand on his shoulder, “your father once gave me a shell like this. It was his first gift, not as pretty as yours of course.”_

_He gave a pleased look at beating his father in something, too young to realise that she was simply lying for his sake and she hummed, “One day you might get a gift of your own from someone you love. I hope it’s a good one.”_

* * *

“Hackett,” she didn’t bother standing up straight, whatever formalities she would have followed as a soldier was gone now.

“Shepard,” Hackett tilted his head, his face flickering in the screen of her omni-tool, “I have a favour to ask.”

She had to bite down that rising anxiety. During her time as a soldier, those words would entail a long mission, pushed from one end of the galaxy to the other in a mad chase from Alliance Command. She may be retired but that fear would never leave her.

“As a sign of unity the Hierarchy and the Alliance have decided to host next years Armistice day on Palaven,” Hackett said, “Even three or more years ago this would be unthinkable.”

“Let me guess, you want me to go?”

Hackett nodded, “You are the main reason that hostility is gone. Even retired you’re still a symbol of unity, of how the races can unite and stand together in peace. Our ally-ship would have never happened if you hadn’t stepped in.”

She hated that. She wanted nothing more than to be a wisp in people’s mind, something vanishing the second they turned their back. While she had welcomed him back into her life and into her home but it still unnerved her that Garrus was so in love with her. That dark part of herself told her she was a succubus of some sort, ruining his life by stealing his heart.

She wasn’t really worth what people were willing to give for her.

“Let me…” her lip shook before she took a deep breath, “let me think about it.”

“Very well, Shepard,” Hackett said, “Please let me know by the end of the month.”

With that he was gone, Shepard’s breath catching in her throat. He fingers shook before snagging up the intricate shrug Garrus got for her from where it was on the chair, wrapping it around her shoulders. Her fingers trailed across the embroidery before standing up, an ache deep in her bones as she wanted to see Garrus.

The floorboards of the old farmhouse creaked under her prosthetics as she left the bedroom. She carefully sidestepped the guitar leaning against the wall before keeping an ear out. As beautiful as it was, a hundred-year-old house had a lot of problems and Garrus quickly devoured books about carpentry to keep the walls from crumbling around them. She tried to help but with her prosthetics, there were just some things she couldn’t do.

Just another thing to feel guilty about, not that he would ever see it that way.

Garrus seemed happy to do it. She wondered if it was part of that nesting instinct he mentioned but he had this light in his eyes whenever he talked about whatever project he decided to work on in the house. He’d carefully outline what he wanted to do and asked for her opinion, painting the walls her favourite colour or putting up drapes she once said she’d liked.

It’s also possible he just liked the idea of making a home with her. There was a tender part of her that liked that as well and it was slowly growing every day.

“Garrus?” she called into the house, fingers tight in her shawl.

“Here!” she heard from the floor before, her hand on the railing as she made her way down.

He’d wedged himself under the sink in the downstairs bathroom, tools laying around him. She nudged his thigh with her prosthetic as she drew near, Garrus reaching out blindly for among the tools around him.

“Mind passing me the spanner?” he asked, “I’m nearly done.”

She looked over, her fingers curling around the tool before settling it into Garrus’ outstretched hands. His fingers tenderly brushed against the palm of her hand and she felt the hair on the back of her neck raise. Her treacherous heart roared in her chest, her eyes widening at the simple touch.

Only Garrus ever had such a command over it.

With a groan he finished whatever he was doing, pushing himself up to look at her. His face softened and she could feel his chest vibrate through the floor up her prosthetics. She offered her hand and he took it, something warm in the pit of her stomach at his grip.

“There,” he said, turning the tap on and looking underneath the sink, “Shouldn’t leak anymore. I replaced the gasket, it had rusted through.”

She just nodded, unsure of exactly what he was talking about. He just washed his hands before turning off the sink, Shepard slowly easing her way to wrap her arm around his waist. She felt the way he shuddered, her touch having that same command over him.

“Would you look at this,” his voice was low, mostly just out of her hearing as he gently pulled the shawl together over her chest, “I was right, you do look good in it.”

There was this look he gave her when she wore something he gifted her, like there was nothing else in the galaxy as beautiful. Her hand wavered for a moment before she rested it on his neck, nails gently scratching the leathery skin.

A part of her thought it was selfish but whenever he was near like this those torrent of dark thoughts would stop. His own thoughts seemed to be on her, judging by the way he dragged a tongue up her throat. He nibbled the skin with his hard mouthplates, something so tender she couldn’t help the whine that bubbled out of her.

“You’d look a lot better if it was the only thing you were wearing though,” his voice was rasping and she shivered.

“Maybe we should go fix that,” was all she could say before he hoisted her up into his arms, his laugh rumbling through the house as they made their way to the bedroom.

* * *

“How’d you feel about visiting Palaven,” she asked, feeling her jaw press against his chest with each word.

He cupped her face, his mouth against her and he could feel his mandibles fluttering in excitement. His eyes sparkled as he pulled away, Garrus’ body shaking with something. It seemed familiar, only when he brushed his mouth against his temple did she realise that this was how he reacted whenever she mustered the courage to give him something.

His mandibles quirked, “I could show you where I grew up. Why? What brought this up.”

“Next year’s Armistice day event is on Palaven,” her fingers splayed across his chest, “They asked if I could make speeches. Something about doing something for human-turian relations.”

His chest rumbled with a laugh, a finger trailing across her arm, “He’s a lot closer than I think he realises.”

“Hush,” she grinned, thighs still slick with the aftermath of their coupling.

He held her hand, thumb tenderly stroking the skin there before he coughed, “Yeah, it’d be nice to go to Palaven with you.”

“I guess I’ll let Hackett know we’re going.”

“I guess I should let my family know about you,” he hummed and he immediately felt her tense, his hands rubbing her arms.

“You didn’t tell them yet?” she hated how her voice pitched high and he pulled her close, mouth pressing against her chin.

Her breath came in short puffs and his chest vibrated underneath her. His hands stroked her arms and with his subvocals she felt her body relax under his care.

“I’m not ashamed of us,” he said as he felt her relax, “I’ve just been a little preoccupied here and they’ve been busy. We often spend long times not calling each other, we all kinda get sucked into our work.”

She nodded before flicking her omni-tool on, fingers tapping out a message to Hackett. She had just put her arm down when she felt her wrist vibrate as she got a responding message. She rolled her eyes and Garrus just laughed as she reactivated her omni-tool.

“They need my measurements,” she said, “Mind helping me with that?”

“Sure,” he shrugged, “They say why?”

“No but probably for new Alliance dress blues,” she looked up into the corner while thinking, “My old ones for sure won’t fit.”

His hand slid to squeeze her ass, his gaze tender before saying, “I sure don’t mind.”

“That’s because you’re a pervert,” her voice had no bite and he just laughed, kissing her.

“That I know you don’t mind,” his breath puffed against her cheek and she just hummed in response.

* * *

Shepard stood there with her arms out, Garrus crouched in front of her with his omni-tool out. She swore she could feel the sensor rushing over her and she had to keep herself from rubbing her collarbone anxiously.

“If they end up using this to make a Commander Shepard statue I’m going to be upset,” she finally joked, trying to ease the way her heart absentmindedly squeezed.

“I’d actually be tempted to buy that,” he laughed and she just looked incredulous at him, “I would say I need money for renovations but we’re pretty much set for life with how much you make from royalties.”

Her thumb tapped against the pads of her fingers as she tried to not shift in place. She took a deep breath before looking at Garrus, his arm lowered as he moved the scanner down her body.

“You…” she hummed and ran her tongue along her upper teeth, “uh… you call your family?”

“Yeah,” he said and Shepard saw his hand wavered, “I got some security upgrades to my dad for our visit and Solana seemed excited to see you.”

“I did get in shit for not telling them sooner,” he laughed and she smiled at the sound.

“Your dad say anything?” her throat was dry as she finally faced the source of her anxiety.

She felt her chest grow cold as air threatened to rush out of her. Her lips were tight as she suddenly couldn’t look at Garrus. She knew their relationship was always going to face scrutiny if not disgust and she didn’t know if she could handle it if she came between Garrus and his dad because of it.

“He asked for meals for you,” he lowered his omni-tool and Shepard’s body relaxed, “I suggested that frozen meal you keep baking. Lasagna?”

Her chest ached and her fingers went to worry the skin on her forearm. Not knowing how to cook was one of her greater shames, the only shame greater was how badly she had hurt Garrus. At least Garrus never mentioned her lack of cooking skill, even after her one attempt that left her in tears he just quietly cleaned it up and ordered them take-out.

“There are also a few restaurants that do levo as well,” he said, “so we could have takeout as well.”

“I’m glad to hear I won’t starve,” she dryly said and he moved to her side, his hands tenderly gripping hers.

“It’s going to be okay,” he nuzzled her temple and she leant into his touch, she should have guessed he could sense the turmoil inside of her, “I’ll be right there with you through everything.”

“Big shot Reaper Advisor got asked to give speeches as well?” her fingers curled up on his chest and he laughed.

“You could have gone for Spectre or even the only turian who was ever on the Alliance’s payroll,” her eyes closed as his chest rumbled underneath her, “I was asked to be your security consultant. Apparently, I did such a good job with Hades they want me back.”

She looked up at him, knowing that if he wasn’t asked he would have insisted on doing it. He didn’t trust anyone else to keep her as safe as he could and she didn’t trust them either.

“I trust you with my life,” she said as something soft spread across her face.

She really did. More than she trusted herself. Garrus seemed to sense the heavy burden she offered him and he eagerly took it, kissing her as he murmured loving reassurances into her ear.


	2. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little long but the last chapter was a little short so it probably evens out.

_Garrus wished the Normandy still had the trash compacter. He wished for nothing more than the glass bottles to be crushed and shot into space, disappearing with all of his hopes. Instead, they got tossed into a trash receptacle on the Citadel._

_He still couldn’t bring himself to throw away that damned empty bottle of wine._

_It seemed like years ago, Shepard and him happily drinking to their victory against the Collectors. They’d tumbled into bed after, quickly stripping and Shepard did things with her mouth that even in his memory still sent shivers down his spine._

_He was happy and in love then even if he didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to admit he still loved Shepard now._

_He ignored the message from Tali that came in - her fifth desperate apology in the last ten minutes - as he slipped away into the crowds. When he got to his destination and was certain he was far away from anyone from the Normandy he found a quiet alcove, his hand digging into the railing. He tried not to look up, see the exact spot where he wanted to bring Shepard but he broke._

_His mandibles warbled at the balcony. He had everything ready, their guns and some bottles to shoot. He was ready to ask Shepard if she’d be his and his alone._

_But instead, she turned away from him and it was his own fucking fault._

* * *

It was a beautiful ship, even now. The Normandy had clearly been repaired with odd patches of a slightly different metal to coat the hulls. She could feel how tense Garrus was next to her and she was no better.

She still remembered seeing the first Normandy, standing there as an XO instead of captain. Before Ande…

“They couldn’t have warned us?” Garrus asked, his mandibles tight to his face and his hands tight.

She was no better.

Nausea welled up inside of her and she closed her eyes. It was a beautiful ship but the last time either one of them were on it she had called for evac before finding herself in the gory depths of the Citadel and he had slowly starved to near-death on an unknown planet while unsure whether the woman he loved was even still alive.

She grasped his arm, squeezing it in a rare admission of public affection. His eyes looked haunted and she knew he was back there. She tried to smile for him before her lips went tight and she tried to ignore the crowd that was starting to form around them. She had gotten too used to living out in the country and she felt irritation begin to stab somewhere under her stomach.

“C’mon,” she said, “Let’s just get this over with. Hopefully, it still has a bar.”

He nodded and they quickly picked up the pace, knowing already there were probably a hundred pictures of the two of them on the extranet and there’d be hundreds more before they could board.

Her grip tightened on her luggage as they went up the ramp up into the Normandy. She took one last glance back to Earth before shuffling into the ship, feeling the warm wind brush through her hair.

The bridge was as dark as it used to be. Despite hating working with them the Normandy under Cerberus was her favourite, it strained her eyes a lot less. Cerberus may have lacked morals and ethics but they definitely understood proper lighting.

“Look who the varren dragged in,” she heard Joker before she saw him, spinning around in his favourite chair before his eyes went to her lack of legs, “Guess I should send you some disability pamphlets, huh.”

She shrugged before noticing Vega standing at attention there in a rare show of respect from the brash soldier.

“Hi Lola,” James said, his arms crossed behind with a red strip down his right, “Scars.”

“Hello Jimmy, Joker” Garrus said as Shepard just nodded, “N7 huh?”

“Finished my training in time to steal the Normandy from Ash,” he said, leaning back, “though I think they just wanted to keep it in the Alliance this time.”

“Politics?” was all Garrus asked as Vega nodded and Shepard tapped her prosthetic against the metal floor with her hand on Garrus’ shoulder to keep herself steady.

She noticed James' eyes move to where her hand rested against Garrus' shirt and her fingers tensed, knuckles peeking out from under the skin. She felt something cold spread across her chest before threatening to swallow her whole. Shepard tried to rationalize it to herself as the shock of seeing the Normandy again but she knew better. 

She wanted to pull her hand away but she swallowed past that feeling and left her hand on his shoulder, even as she lowered her prosthetic back to the ground. If she couldn’t be strong enough for Garrus back then she could be strong enough now.

“Oh, you got her again, Scars,” James punched Garrus’ arm playfully, “Good for you.”

“So you two got over your ‘weird thing’,” Jeff said with his fingers up to quote, “It was kinda like someone strangled a child in front of you while you were all here.”

Garrus just chuckled nervously while also puffing up with a bit of pride while she felt every nerve of hers stand on end. She felt something hot and itchy crawl up her throat and she felt the urge to say something to take the pressure off of her and Garrus.

“I mean who wasn’t strangled when they were a child?” Shepard nervously laughed and the people around her froze.

“Jesus, Shepard! Were you actually?” Joker exclaimed as Shepard nodded before looking up at Garrus with a terrified look.

Shepard turned to look at him and she suddenly understood why they called him Archangel. 

There was a harsh glint to his eyes, and shadows suddenly crept into the crevices in his face. She was suddenly acutely aware that turians were apex predators of their world and she felt a sliver of primordial fear inside of her before it was quickly replaced by guilt. 

Garrus would never hurt her.

“How old were you?” his voice was dark and she was reminded of that small blurb she read on the Shadow Broker’s ship of how he slowly grew sadistic while on Omega.

“T...twelve I think?” she felt her voice pitch up before she coughed.

He just hummed, that dark undertone she had heard last when he told Brooks to lay down her gun before asking, “They’re dead right?”

“Probably.” 

He just nodded but that dark feeling still radiated from him. She had never thought much about it, a lot of kids were treated with a lot more cruelty than she was, but now there was that doubt that maybe that wasn’t a normal thing to experience.

“So…” Joker cleared his throat in an attempt to ease the tension, “do you not have extranet in whatever hole you found yourself in or are you just not getting my messages, Shepard?”

Her teeth found their old home in her bottom lip as Garrus just shot her a look, a mix of concern and something else. She wished they had warned her that the ship was the Normandy, with just a few careless words from Jeff she could feel the stitches that she and Garrus carefully used to piece her back together start to unravel.

“I…” she wondered what she looked like if they could handle the startling difference from the Commander they knew and the shell of a woman in front of them, “I’ve…”

“Been busy, renovations and her physio,” his hands were on her shoulder as he stepped in for her and she felt herself relax under his grip, “She should probably sit down soon, her implants get irritated if she stands for too long. There still a lounge in this tin can?”

“Yeah, same place,” Jeff sounded disappointed and she didn’t know if it was because Garrus just casually called his ‘baby’ a tin can or the way they clearly dodged his question.

Garrus was startling quiet as they went down in the elevator, his hand on her shoulder. A sob threatened to break loose as they passed the memorial wall but he just kept her moving forward. Her hand began to worry the fabric of her t-shirt as they stepped into the lounge, the door closing behind them and Shepard felt the oppressive silence around them. She stepped a bit further into the room, hands tight with the fabric wound around her fingers.

“Shepard,” his voice was that one she heard whenever she said something particularly cruel about herself.

She felt a burn deep in her chest. She had gotten so much better, even her pessimistic view couldn’t deny it. It felt like it would never be enough as every mistake and bad day just weighed her down. She hadn’t thought about it then but this was starting to become one of her mistakes.

Her logical side - which sounded suspiciously like Garrus - told her that her bad days only occurred now because she was no longer suffocating in darkness.

“Is Joker not the only one?” he asked, his voice tight, “Any reason why or…?”

"I didn't think they actually wanted to talk to me," her voice was small as she stared out the window, watching the biotic flare of FTL drift past the clear material, "I was just their boss."

"So am I the exception to this?" 

"You're not Alliance," her eyes closed as she felt that simple flow of air in and out of her lungs, "You were here because…"

"I wanted to be?" he crossed the distance between them, "it was true of the rest of the crew. If they didn't want to be here with you they would have left, it's not like we didn't have other options."

Her shoulders curled up into herself before wrapping his arms around her, his cheek pressed against her hair

"I'd just get in the way, be a burden."

"Shepard…" there it was, that voice again. 

She wondered if he could see right through her and she knew if it was that simple he probably would have confronted her years ago when this mess began. He probably suspected she was dancing around the issue as she usually would and if she didn't offer him the truth he'd just ask directly. 

Not that he would force her to answer but it felt wrong to lie. 

She took a deep breath and Shepard felt the words in her mouth before finally confessing with closed eyes. 

"I don't want to get between their friendship."

"Who's?"

"Any of them," her eyes started to burn and she felt the urge to tear herself apart with her hands, her hands just tugging at her shirt instead, "and Tali."

She wished she was brave enough to look at his face. At least with Garrus he understood. Hell, there was no friendship to get between. He'd been out of the quarian's life as long as she had, even though she didn't know it at the time. 

"Because eventually they'll mention her or it'll just get out and everyone will have to pick a side," a tear slid out and she wiped it away with a closed fist, "Sometimes it's better to back away before anyone gets hurt."

"I get what you're saying but they're still getting hurt," he said and she looked up and over to see his face before he pressed his forehead against hers, "and it seems like they knew something happened but just wanted to give us space to work it out.”

She felt irritation flash across her face, hands tightening and she felt his subvocals flare up behind her at how tense she had suddenly become. Anger began to burn up in her stomach and her hands found a home in her hair. Her hands began to shake it around and only stopped when Garrus grasped her wrist.

“I’m mad,” she finally said before taking a short deep breath, “and I don’t know why.”

“You’re mad because you were hurt,” he said simply like it could be neatly summed up like a mission report.

“It doesn’t really do much now.”

“At the time I didn’t think you cared,” his grip tightened on her, eyes purposely looking away, “I thought it was a sign that you’d never feel the same way about me. I know better now, the small part of you that could still care just blamed yourself. But it wasn’t your fault and I think this anger is a good thing.”

She slowly turned around to curl up in his embrace. Shepard’s body trembled as she pressed her head against her chest and felt the vibrations that radiated from Garrus.

“I think you need to feel things before you can move on from them.”

“What if I become horrible and bitter?” she murmured, shocked that a part of her didn’t even want to try.

Sadness had become a loving companion over the years.

“You have a lot to be horrible and bitter about,” he nuzzled her temple, “But I won’t let you get too bad. I’ll always be there with you.”

He pulled away for a split second to cup her face, Shepard leaning into his touch as his gloved hands trailed across her cheek, “I’m not going to push you to message back or even forgive Tali. Hell, I haven’t forgiven Tali for hurting you. It’d be hypocritical for me to demand something of you that I can’t manage myself.”

“But don’t just push away from people,” he kissed her and she leant up into his mouth with an arm around his back before he murmured against her lips, “If you want I can just say you’re working through something or anything you want while you wait until you’re ready.”

“Okay,” she breathed back, caught in this moment between them, “Thank you.”

* * *

“There’s a package here from the Alliance for you, Commander,” Castis said, his eyes appraising her as she stood in the entranceway of Garrus’ childhood home, “I just left it in the living room.”

She wondered what he saw. What he thought of the woman who kept stealing his son away. She was painfully aware that he understood Garrus’ deep feelings for her better than she ever would. The difference between species never bothered her but here it seemed like chasms at their feet.

“Just call me Shepard,” she replied, trying to keep the hatred for that title out of her voice.

“Okay, Shepard,” Castis’ voice was cautious, trying the word carefully while speaking it, “Do you need something to drink? We have water and I found some levo juice. Peach? I think that was what it was called.”

“The juice will be fine,” she awkwardly smiled before Castis turned around and left, the heat of Palaven leaving a dry taste in her throat already.

“Thanks,” Garrus called out to his dad’s retreating figure while Shepard put her luggage next to Garrus’, his hand reaching out for her with something soft in his voice, “C’mon, I’ll show you where to go.”

She took his hand and he led the way, showing her through hallways that were way too tall for humans. Everything was over her head like someone had taken a house and stretched it out. She knew it was realistic, turians were much taller than humans but it made her acutely aware she didn’t belong here. She squeezed his hand and he returned it, hoping to comfort her.

They entered the living room to see a crate tucked to the side, a female turian about Garrus’ age standing there. The resemblance was uncanny between her and Garrus making Shepard guess that she was his sister.

“Garrus,” she turned around with a hand raised up to wave at them before pointing at the crate, “You guys gonna finally open this?”

“What do you mean by finally?” he said, “We just got here.”

“Yeah but it’s been here since yesterday, dad wouldn’t let me open it,” Solana’s head tilted back in an exasperated tone, “I’m dying of curiosity.”

“Then die,” he retorted before turning back to Shepard, “This is my sister, Solana. Solana, Shepard.”

“A pleasure to finally meet you,” Solana ignored her brother to extend a hand to Shepard, “Humans do this right, the hand-shake?”

“Yeah,” she said before grasping Solana’s three-fingered hand and she shook it.

Solana’s grip was firm and the turian had a grin on her face. Shepard slowly returned it, deciding that she liked Solana.

She knew a part of Solana’s enthusiasm was just to make her feel welcome but it worked. Solana’s mandibles spread away from her face while her almost-Garrus blue eyes sparkled and Shepard wished she wore something nicer than just a t-shirt and jean shorts.

“It’s uh… nice to meet you too,” she said before letting go, hoping that she didn’t hold Solana’s hand too long.

Not that Solana had much of a reference it seemed.

Garrus cleared his throat to direct them back to the crate but Shepard could see the smile on his face. He never mentioned it - probably for her sake - but he was probably just as nervous bringing her here and seeing his sister try so hard to make Shepard feel welcome must help sooth those nerves.

“If I had to guess this is what the scans were for,” Shepard said, tilting her head, “Hell of a present from the Alliance though, especially since I’m retired.”

“So speaking of gifts from Garrus?” Solana asked with a sly look on her face, “How many? how frequently?”

“Uhm…” Shepard’s eyes flickered to the side, “Well I’m not really used to gifts at all even from humans so I doubt I could accurately say.”

“Please,” Garrus pleaded uselessly to his sister, “just let me be sentimental in peace, Sol. Can you do that?”

“And lose this chance to tease you?” she said, the same stubborn set of her mandibles that Garrus got, “Never, that’s my duty as a sister.”

“He strikes me as one of those who are really bad,” she slid to stand next to Shepard, arms crossed as she looked down at Shepard, “Some turians just really have that instinct, give gifts once a week.”

Shepard looked to the side, almost awkward and Garrus just pulled Shepard away from Solana while glaring at his sister. Solana just gave a smug look before tapping her chin in something that didn’t translate species well.

“I fucking knew it,” Solana murmured and Garrus just sighed while Shepard stood there awkwardly.

Her mandibles spread before laughing, her body shaking with her teasing tone, “Don’t worry, Garrus’ll probably slip up eventually and give me something else to tease him with.”

“I will kick you out of this room and you will never discover what this package is.”

“My own brother,” she grasped her chest like she’d been shot and Garrus just rolled his eyes, “In our own childhood home.”

“Sol,” their dad said in a warning tone as he stepped into the living room before handing Shepard a glass of juice, the condensation wetting her fingers before she took a sip.

Garrus finally freed the box from the inside of the package and Solana stepped forward, she and Garrus lifting it out of the crate. They set it down and Shepard ran her free hand across the fancy logo on the top.

“Hey, what is this?” she asked, a finger trailing across the intricate golden turian script.

“It looks like a Viteli,” Garrus said before adding at Shepard’s confused face, “He’s a turian armour designer, he does custom armour for the higher-ups as well as some general designs. My armour during the war was a Viteli, not a custom one though.”

“What happened to that armour?” Shepard asked, “You looked really good in it.”

He coughed, looking away from his father and sister before admitting, “It was… uh… cannibalised for parts after the Normandy crashed.”

There was an awkward silence as he just admitted to tearing apart a small fortune. He knew they wouldn’t say anything, his family would make the same sacrifice in his position. Nice armour was good but not starving to death on a Levo planet was better. Still was an awkward thing to confess in front of the old turian who bought it for him.

Instead of lingering in the awkward moment, Garrus pulled off his glove to cut the tape off the top. Shepard put her glass down to look in as he lifted the lid. There was a datapad that got tossed aside before pulling the fancy paper to the side to show the most beautiful armour they had ever seen sitting there.

It was almost like her standard N7 but there were delicate roses cut out of rubies glimmering out of the void black armour, golden vines curling around the chest plate with white flowers made of diamonds among the roses that Shepard didn’t recognize. Garrus carefully stroked one of the white flowers in a sense of longing and Shepard wished she knew more about him so she could cross this border.

“They’re elata’s,” Castis finally broke the silence, “They’re the national flower of Palaven.”

These next words pained him and she saw Castis’ hands tense, “My wife loved them. We used to have them in the garden.”

Shepard reached for Garrus, her fingers curling around his arm and he just leant into her touch. She wished she could have met his mother, mourn the woman who raised the man she loved. He grasped her elbow in return before Castis grabbed the chest plate and pulled it out of the nest of paper.

Castis looked at the beautifully engraved chest plate with an appraising eye before saying, “I think you could buy a planet with this.”

Garrus’ face went dark and Shepard felt panic swell up in her throat. Her eyes were wide until Solana grasped her shoulder with a laugh as the sombre mood was gone as quickly as it arrived.

“He’s just jealous he can’t compete with this.”

“Sol,” Garrus snapped and Shepard laughed, her arm lowering from its grip on him.

“Someone has to explain your weird turian secrets to her,” she wiggled her fingers with wide mandibles, “Besides I want to see the rest of the armour and it feels weird to continue while you’re being moody.”

Shepard bit back nausea at the sight of the armour's arms, more golden vines and flowers on the left with startling red and white stripe on the right. The stripe glimmered in the light and Shepard wondered if it wasn’t ground up gems mixed up into a lacquer. They all froze as they got to the legs, noticing there seemed to be a mistake.

“You’d think they’d see on the scan they had me do that I don’t have legs below the knee,” she tried to joke but she still felt irritation well up inside of her as the simpler legs continued down into the boots.

They were still engraved but the flowers appeared to be sparse buds instead, keeping the whole armour from becoming too much of a confusing mess visually. As Castis moved to pick up the datapad they tossed to the side Shepard begrudgingly admitted to herself that whomever this Viteli was, he was an artist.

“They’re prosthetics built into the armour apparently designed to connect to your implants,” Castis said before handing her the datapad, “It also has an advanced cyclonic shield, once they’re hit the shield rotates to the side that isn’t damaged as the damaged side repairs. There also seems to be a note for you from Viteli, Shepard.”

Shepard skimmed over the specs while Garrus read over her shoulder. He seemed to appreciate the more defensive measures judging by the way he hummed. Her gut instinct on the stripe was true, the white was white sapphires and the red was rubies mixed with a lacquer that hardened to the same specs as the rest of the armour. She scrolled down to the note and she stopped herself from rolling her eyes as Viteli raved about the chance to design for her.

“So you’re the proud owner of Viteli’s ‘magnum opus’,” he teased her as he quoted the note, “How does it feel?”

She could sense the hidden question deep in his playful tone. Would she be okay wearing this? Shepard’s fingers tightened on the datapad for a second before playfully tapping the device against his cheek with a smile.

“I mean I won’t wear it after this,” she said before shrugging, “Think we can display it in the living room?”

“I think we can do that,” he laughed before taking the datapad away from her before she could hit him again and tossed it back onto the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback in this was originally in chapter 6 (Confession) of The Voice in the Dark. It fits a lot better here anyway. I actually did rewrite this, it was supposed to be a lot more humourous but since I'm being a real angsty fuck recently it came off as really ungenuine. I think this is much better.


	3. Pained

_He wanted to reach out. To feel her. To actually feel it was Shepard. It was like light breaking through the dark sky and he couldn’t help but rumble with pure adulation. She reached out to pat his armour and he felt every plate on him shiver as his toes scrunched up._

_It had been an awfully empty galaxy without her._

_Even after his face burned with the explosion of the rocket he couldn’t stop staring at her. His vision blurred and everything swam around and he couldn’t stop staring._

_Spirits, she was beautiful._

_He didn’t know if it was the shock of seeing her alive or just the blood loss but he swore a light radiated from her. Shepard’s fingers reached out to hold his face and he let go of his gun to grip her wrist._

_She was upset?_

_Tears welled up in Shepard’s eyes as she screamed with that human she came with. Garrus wanted to comfort her - say it was okay - but all he could do was gurgle with blood deep in his throat._

_She came back to him. How could it not be okay?_

* * *

Her hand tightly grasped the zipper of her luggage and pulled it down, zipping it around the corners until she could lift the top. Her fingers had just sunk into the satin of her pyjamas before Garrus wrapped his arms around her from behind. It was pretty obvious where his mind was, his hands squeezing her waist before shifting down to her hips.

“I love you,” his voice drawled sweetly on those words as he nuzzled into her temple, “So damn much.”

He had learned pretty quick to make up for her inability to comprehend his subharmonics by loudly proclaiming it. Considering how smug he got after she inevitability shivered by the idea of being unconditionally loved, Garrus seemed to find his own happiness in saying it out loud.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” she shifted around to cup his face and he sweetly kissed her, his mandibles stroking her cheeks.

“You let me kill Saleon, that was when I fell for you,” he pulled away to stroke the skin of her cheekbone, “You had blood on your cheek right here and your hair was floating around your head. I thought you were so beautiful. Took me a while to realise it was more than just hero worship though.”

Her chest began to ache as she remembered what he told her during his confession. _When they die, we grieve them for the rest of our lives_. He’d spend the next two years after that in pain after her death. She peppered kisses across his scars, wishing that she could take the grief he’d felt into herself.

He shifted her over to his old bed, lifting her up onto the mess of pillows before unlatching her prosthetics to put to the side. His talons began to gently massage the irritated skin where her leg met metal.

“Bit too much walking today I guess,” she said before he moved onto her next leg.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked before clarifying, “Not just today but for the whole ceremony in a few days.”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, her thighs lowering onto the bed as he let go of them, “I’ll try to sit whenever I can.”

“Just sit when you need to,” Garrus said before unbuckling his shirt and tossing it to the ground, “they can’t tell you no.”

“Prima donna Shepard, demanding a seat,” she scoffed before Garrus' arms slipped between her arms and waist, keeping himself upright while leaning over her.

“You’re not being a prima donna for asking to rest,” his eyes pierced through her as his face drew near.

Her brain stuttered at how close he was and all she could manage was a nod. His face softened before his hands sat on her waist again, slipping under her shirt with a purr.

“Shepard,” he hummed as he slowly pulled her shirt over her head to toss to the side.

She froze and Garrus just looked at her, hand halfway across to her back to unlatch her bra before Shepard stuttered, “I don’t… your dad and sister, I don’t want them to hear.”

She felt her face grow hot and she buried her head in her hands. Shepard felt a stab of longing for their home, living out in the middle of nowhere had its perks especially with having as much loud sex as they wanted. Garrus just pulled her hands away before briefly pressing his forehead against hers for a split second.

“We can be quiet,” he pressed his finger against her lip before bringing it down, pulling her bottom lip with it, “At least I can.”

She rolled her eyes as Garrus pulled off her shorts and underwear in one go. Her hips rolled up slightly to give him some space as she felt the back of his fingers trail down her legs. The shorts were tossed to the side before he quickly pulled off his own pants. Her fingers went to the slit of his plates, feeling his precum seep onto the pads of her fingers as she stroked him before his cock slid out onto her palm.

He shivered as she squeezed it, slowly pumping it as her fingers wrapped around it. Garrus grasped her wrist to pull it away with his hot breath brushing against her cheek.

“Tease,” his voice was slightly playful as he shifted her thighs up onto his hips.

“You love it,” was all she said before he eased inside of her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she enjoyed the way she stretched around him. Shepard didn’t know if it was just how his cock was shaped but it always felt like he was pushing her to her limits. It was a feeling she always treasured before he fucked her into whatever surface they were on.

He rocked into her, her face pressed into his cowl to hide her moans. Her hand tensed as she bit back a squeal as Garrus thrust all the way into her. His hands stroked her waist as she just relished the feel of him stretching out her walls.

“You’re doing so good,” he murmured in her ear and she froze, something hot and electric spreading across her spine as he rocked his hips into her.

“Garrus,” she whimpered, eyes closed with her body shivering, “Praise me more.”

She felt her face go hot, entire body squeezing together to hide on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her before she could feel his breath on her ear, his subvocals washing through her.

"You've come so far," his voice was low and soft and Shepard shivered, feeling a tiny bubble just for them settled around them, "I've been watching you every step of the way and I'm amazed at how much progress you've made."

Her thighs tightened around his waist, feeling his muscles shift under the sensitive skin with each rock. His grip tightened on her and he had to push his head into her shoulder to pant and bite back his groans. Shepard whimpered as his hips pitched up before biting the plates of his cowl in an attempt to silence herself

“I know you’re still struggling but you have so many good days, I treasure every one,” his voice was slowly growing deeper and his mandibles were wide with pleasure, Shepard feeling her climax coming with each stroke of his cock.

“Every day you wake up with bright eyes I love it, I’d do anything to keep it on your face.”

His eyes closed as he pulled her closer, Shepard panting against his ear.

“I don’t know what else to say,” he whimpered as Shepard’s body started to shiver, electricity spreading through her body from his cock, “Spirits, I just love you. I love watching you grow.”

She felt herself slip over that edge, her walls beginning to squeeze around Garrus. She grasped Garrus desperately before feeling him press his lips against hers and his mouth opened to swallow her whimpers with his tongue deep in her mouth. She felt him follow her with the heat of his seed and his twitching cock.

He pulled his face away to look at her, that tender gaze that really gave away how in love he was. It was like all he had ever wanted was right there in front of him in a Shepard-shaped package. She whined as he pulled out of her, missing the stretch she had associated with these tender moment.

“I wasn’t lying about any of that,” Garrus’ voice was sickeningly sweet and she wished she could submerge herself in it.

“I am proud of you.”

It was like something snapped inside of her at those words. Her body froze, breath caught in her throat. Her hands tightened. The room pushed down on her before she felt Garrus gently hold her hands. She gasped for breath as she felt fingers threatening to tear her brain apart.

_… the power they wield..._

“...pard,” Garrus’ face was concerned, Shepard thought blankly before she slowly eased back, “Shepard?”

His voice was a bit panicked and Shepard couldn’t help but reach out for him, unsure if her fingers stroked his neck for his comfort or for hers. Garrus grasped her hand and she could feel his fingers shake. She felt a stab deep in her chest as the guilt of ruining the tender moment and she hid in his chest.

“I’m sorry Garrus,” it was like she was trying to curl into Garrus in sheer desperation, “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes closed and hot tears splattered against his carapace. He whined before nuzzling her face, upset merely by the fact that she was upset. He tried to cup her face but she just buried deeper into his chest.

”I freeze up at the sound of gunships,” he finally confessed, hand on her back as he gently rubbed the skin, “Or anything that sounds like it.”

He laughed then, something dark and full of shame and she couldn’t help but raise her head to press a kiss to his chin. She didn’t like that noise, it was a feeling she was deeply aware of and she didn’t like Garrus struggling through I.t

“Fight Reapers and Cerberus and one gunship slips me up?” his body was tense and she cupped his face, thumb across his scars, “I hate it. But I can’t stop it.”

“Garrus,” her fingers moved up to curl around the far end of his mandible.

“I’m just trying to say that I understand,” his eyes closed as he gripped her wrist, “I don’t know if you’re ready to talk about it but I’ll be here when you are.”

Her body was suddenly filled with exhaustion, her eyes threatening to close as she draped across him. Garrus leant backwards to grab something that looked suspiciously like Kleenex from the drawer to wipe her clean He slowly eased her into the turian bed and began to fluff the pillows around her. 

"PJ's?" he asked and she shook her head, reaching her hands out. 

He shifted the blanket over her shoulder after he lay down next to her. Her hand moved to absent-mindedly stroked his stomach while the urge to touch him swelled inside of her.

“I don’t deserve you,” she said, her eyes closed at her moment of weakness.

“You’ve deserved far better for far too long,” he pressed his forehead against hers and she felt his subvocals draw her into sleep, “Get some rest.”

* * *

Garrus woke up to a dry throat. His mandibles clacked against his face in discomfort before slowly easing himself from underneath Shepard. She moaned something half a word, her face scrunching together as her eyes opened slightly.

“Shhh,” he murmured, fingers trailing through her hair, “I’m just getting some water.”

She just curled up into the warmth he left behind and his heart flipped in his chest. His hand shook as he grasped the blanket, pulling it over her shoulders. Garrus spent a moment just running his hand through her hair with his chest rumbling sweetly before shifting away from the bed while grabbing his pants and slipping them up his legs.

He walked out into the hallway, feeling the aged wood creak under his feet. He felt a stab of longing for home, now light-years away on a planet that he was incompatible with biologically. It was an odd thought, that his own homeworld had become a stranger.

He made his way down the hall, familiar tapestries and knick-knacks dressing along the walls. He slipped into the bathroom to see his dad there. The window was slightly ajar - Garrus could still see the shimmer of the alarms wire in the moonslight - and Castis had his eyes slightly closed listening to the sounds of Palaven at night.

Garrus went to the cupboard and opened it up. He froze as he noticed the human dinnerware set to the side and he had to bite back his subvocals. It was such a simple gesture but he appreciated how welcome they tried to make Shepard feel. Garrus grabbed a glass for himself before filling it up at the sink.

“Do you sleep in pants now?” his dad asked and Garrus shifted awkwardly.

It was just another holdover from the Normandy, a sign that he would never fully fit in with Turians ever again. Not that it mattered, he was pretty determined to live on Earth if that’s where Shepard was.

“Humans get weird about nudity,” he shrugged before adding, “Plus it can be cold at night on Earth.”

He slipped the fitting into his mouth and squeezed the cup. Water hit his parched throat and he swallowed the fluid. He was halfway through it before he realised he was probably going to need another.

“How is she?” his dad asked and Garrus lowered the glass, talons squeezing into the pliable side.

“Today or just in general?”

Castis chuckled before explaining, “I’m not a fool, Garrus. She was the figurehead of a galactic fight for survival and was often thrown to the front of many battles. Any person, human or turian, would be scarred by that let alone by knowing what was going to happen three years in advance.”

“I want to know how she’s doing,” he shrugged, “Call it an old turian trying to reconnect with his son.”

Garrus hummed, wondering how to say it. Her breakdown earlier today still had him on edge and Garrus never wanted to see that look on her face ever again. He knew he would - they both had too much trauma in their life - but it’d always tear at his heart.

“She has good days and bad days,” he finally said, “though her good days are still on that edge.”

“Shepard’s still better than she was though,” Garrus didn’t want to explain everything, he didn’t think he could handle his father’s sympathy for his years without her, but he could hint at enough, “She at least has good days now.”

Castis just hummed deep in his chest in response. It took Garrus a moment to realise that he was doing the turian version of that noise humans make to assure the other they’re listening.

“Solana will probably yell at me if she found out I told you but she has a lot of bad days,” Castis said and Garrus’ subvocals dipped low in a shared pain for family, “She refuses to move back into her old apartment and she has times where she hears something and she freezes. I sometimes find her grasping her leg while panicking.”

“Shit,” was all Garrus said as he absentmindedly popped the lid off of his cup.

He swirled the water around before topping off the glass under the sink, slipping the lid back on before taking another long drink with a squeeze of his hand. He finished it off, putting the cup in the sink.

“She didn’t want you to worry since Shepard’s here,” his dad added, “But I thought you should be warned in case it happens while she’s with you. It’ll pass if you let her get her bearings.”

"I’m…" Garrus murmured, hands squeezing as he wondered how to thank them, “really appreciative of how welcome you’ve both made Shepard feel. I admit I was a bit worried.”

His dad just looked at him, something regretful on his face, before leaning over to close the window. Castis carefully keeping the wire from getting caught outside. As the window latched Garrus saw the sensor flicker for a split second to let them aware that it was on.

“She’s family now,” Castis said and Garrus couldn’t help the whine deep in his chest.

Castis leant over to awkwardly pat Garrus’ shoulder before easing out of the room. Garrus just spent a moment to still his thoughts before easing up and out of the room. He made his way back to his old bedroom and quietly sneaking back in there. Shepard was sprawled with her arms stretched out, almost like she was trying to find him.

She probably was.

He gently eased her back into the centre of the bed, feeling her try to curl up into his body, before settling back into bed. He barely had to open his arms before Shepard eased herself into his warmth and sleep quickly caught up with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably seems slow but I want to make sure I get both Castis and Solana set in terms of personality. Especially since they don't have a lot of canon appearances. Plot will happen in the next chapter. I may also add another chapter to have a bit more action but that'll only be if I can make it fit and still be good.


	4. Chapter 4

_Shepard was gonna kill him. Not literally but hearing Joker’s panicked explanation of them being attacked while eating sushi definitely made his heart clench tightly. He barely had to think before he was moving with this deep need to just see her._

_He had that feeling a lot these days._

_After dealing with Shepard’s clone, having to watch from the balconies as Shepard charged in with Wrex and James, he definitely needed to drink. Spirits, did Cerberus have a thought beyond just pushing science to its limit?_

_“We party down!” he heard Joker say and he froze in the doorway, his eyes shifting to the side to see Shepard._

_She was looking right at him and he felt his heartbeat weakly in his chest. Despite how gaunt and dark her face had grown he thought she was beautiful. He tilted his head as he listened, hearing Joker plead for a party in the new apartment._

_He tried to bite back his hope. A party would be a good chance to explain, pulling Shepard aside to tell her what he should have the moment he saw her again on Menae. That no matter what he’d love her and he wanted no one else._

_Instead, she deflected with complaints of a headache and he felt the ground in front of him swallow him home. His feet carrying him out to the casino just down the street as he prepared to drink himself into a stupor._

* * *

Shepard nibbled at her breakfast croissant before tearing it apart. The bread warmed her fingers but it did little to quell nausea starting to well inside of her. The news rumbled in the background with a discussion about her. The only detail released to the public it seemed was that she’d be there and there seemed to be a great deal of buzz about her first public appearance since the war.

“... the attempt on Commander Shepard’s life a year ago has…” the turian news reporter proposed a question of the event's security to the panel of experts, Shepard seeing a few human faces among the screen.

“It must be weird,” Solana asked, eating the turian equivalent of eggs and bacon albeit with a tinge of blue, “seeing your face on every screen.”

Garrus looked over to Shepard, trying to gauge the look on her face. Shepard put down her sandwich to take a sip of coffee before looking down at her fingers wrapped around the mug.

“It doesn’t feel real,” she finally said, “like they’re talking about someone else.”

“That there’s this Commander Shepard out there who shares my name and face and it doesn’t set in that it’s me until someone comes up and thanks me or yells at me for not doing more.”

Garrus just leant over, his fingers sliding into her free hand. Holding his hand took a bit of adjustment but she would never trade the feeling of his skin against hers for anything.

“I guess my exploits are a little too ‘larger-than-life’ even for me,” she laughed a little and Garrus tightened his grip on her for a split second before she felt his thumb trail across hers.

“I mean you met Garrus just before you became the first human Spectre,” Solana said, “You started as larger-than-life.”

Shepard just shrugged, it felt like a lifetime ago she was that woman. She guessed it was a lifetime if she split her life into before her death and after.

“I mean I died then came back…” Shepard froze as something popped into her mind in realisation, her eyes closing before muttering, “I’m a Christ figure, I don’t like that.”

“As much as I love talking about your death,” Garrus voice was dry and she squeezed his hand in an apology, “We gotta get going soon so finish your food.”

Shepard quickly shoved the tattered remains of her breakfast in her mouth before washing it down with the sickly sweet taste of her coffee. Her stomach squeezed awkwardly in protest but she knew Garrus was just looking out for her. She didn’t need to faint during an interplanetary broadcast because she was being too much of a baby to eat breakfast.

“C’mon, I’ll help you with your armour,” he let go of her hand and she stood up, slipping her dishes into the sink.

She trailed down the familiar hall to their room before slipping in. She grasped the sleek undersuit just as Garrus followed her in. Her thumb trailed across the fabric, it was higher quality than anything she had ever had during her time in the military.

“How’d we figure this out again?” Garrus said as Shepard shifted onto the bed, pulling off her prosthetics.

It was clearly not designed to be friendly to someone with prosthetic legs. Her prosthetics did not fit through the undersuit so she had to sit down, slip it up her legs before Garrus lifted her so she could pull it over her waist. Then it was pretty simple to put her arms into the suit before she twisted around in that way that never failed to widen Garrus’ eyes at how thin her waist _could_ go before he zipped it up with shaking hands.

“We don’t have time to do anything,” she slapped playfully at his hands on her waist, “Focus.”

He looked pained for a split second before he snapped the greaves into her implants. She felt a jolt of electricity up her body as it connected to the nerves. She always knew that was a feature with her implants but she had never cared to use more than just her simple prosthetics that curved in a way that reminded her of Garrus’ legs.

He methodically snapped the rest of her armour on, checking each latch carefully. She knew it was his way to ensure that nothing was overlooked. Garrus had spent days at the venue, scanning for any eezo signatures and ensuring every sensor and shield was working.

She wondered if there was something in the data that was putting him on edge. Not enough to point out to someone but there was something, she felt it too.

That or it was their trauma making them afraid of something else going wrong.

Shepard guessed today they would finally find out. As Garrus finally got her gloves in place Shepard felt odd. This weight pressing on her no longer was a familiar friend but rather that reminder pressing somewhere on the back of her mind.

“You okay?” Garrus asked with her helmet in his hands.

“Yeah,” her hands shifted in the armour, “This just isn’t me anymore.”

She wasn’t sure if he understood but there was something in his eye that said he did. At the very least he understood that she had long stepped away from being Commander Shepard. He just turned to put his own armour on as Shepard just rotated her prosthetic feet around.

“Okay,” he handed her helmet to her as she snapped it on before he pressed his forehead against the metal.

She felt herself ache for that familiar press of warm plates against skin. Shepard couldn’t remember if it was always this isolating in her armour.

* * *

The tunnel beneath the venue was nice and cool, Shepard whipping off her helmet the second they had slipped away from Palaven’s brutal sun. The guard escorting them kept looking back at the two of them and Shepard could sense Garrus’ shoulders tense at the attention she was getting.

The air around Garrus changed and she could feel a hum somewhere deep below her hearing and the guard straightened up. Shepard wished she could understand him, they’d both agreed it was better to not confirm their relationship while on Palaven despite how much it killed both of them. She instead just shot a look to Garrus and he just shrugged.

“It’s just a reminder he’s on the clock,” he finally whispered to her, “It’s also a statement of rank, I used it all the time as Reaper Advisor.”

 _Only turians would have a simple noise to put their subordinates in place_ , she thought before realising it would have been a useful skill while she was a Commander, _and only turians would have secret tunnels in and out of all of their buildings_. Garrus had shown her the one at his dad’s house, just in case something happened.

They slipped out a closet somewhere before they were lead down a series of hallways. That feeling of being dwarfed swarmed her again and she wished desperately that she could take Garrus’ hand. She decided later she’d crawl into his arms later and hold him close to help fill that distance she’s feeling right now.

“Shepard,” Hackett nodded as she drew near.

She nodded before a smile crossed her face, “I think this might be doing my duty. At least for a few years.”

“I’ll try to convince the brass to leave you alone.”

“I will hang up on them,” Hackett chuckled at her blunt attitude before she added, “Just tell them our interests happened to align. It won’t happen again.”

“Will do.”

Shepard just watched out onto the stage, listening to Victus’ speech. It was something simple yet engaging and she found herself hanging on every word. She was loath to see it end but it may be just to prolong her own time in the spotlight.

“Good luck,” was all Garrus could say but she just nodded in response, knowing that he was looking forward to watching her.

She stepped onto the stage, Palaven’s sun dimmed by the radiation shield draping over the entire audience. It was hard to not be aware of how many eyes were on her, whether here or across the galaxy.

She stepped up to the podium and she took a moment to just breath. As she felt her ribs expand while something like gentle water simmered over her.

“Thirty-two years ago,” she started, her voice clear, “Humanity stepped into the galactic stage with a tragic misunderstanding. Turians and humans embroiled in conflict. It lasted only a few months but that incident would shape this galaxy.”

“The Reapers would be the force to bring us together,” she said with her hands latching together, “But that is not enough to keep that bond. This peace was made by our own hands.”

“Peace isn’t made by grand gestures or through one person,” her voice rang out with her arms lowering and the crowd was silent, “It’s made every day by the little offers of cooperation we make.”

“When you offer help to your neighbour. When you support each other. When you stand together. When you love and appreciate and understand each other,” it felt like she was somewhere else, this ghost of Commander Shepard possessing her and speaking every word, “You carry on that legacy.”

She could see Garrus’ eyes firmly on her. His face was unreadable but there was something firm in his gaze that showed he was listening to every word. He was the only one who could see the meaning between her words, that she was thinking of the peace they’d found together.

His eyes moved back to his omni-tool, Shepard facing forward before the ghost of something crossed his face.

“I am not here to grandstand or claim arrogance of uniting two species. I’m here to thank you, all of you, for carrying this all forward with your own effort.”

It was overwhelming as she stepped back. Completely overwhelmed by noise everything went silent before she felt something push heavy against her chest, her shield shattering before she stumbled back at the impact. Shepard felt something slightly vibrate on her back before she realised it was her cyclonic shield adjusting for the hit.

She could hardly breathe before the next shot hit her shields and she found herself rushed off stage. It wasn't until she heard Garrus snapping at another turian did she realise that he was the one to push her out of the way.

"... second floor from the top, two apartments in. Get people in there now," his voice rumbled through her, a tinge of anxiety swallowed by his commanding presence, "Contact Gianna Parasini of Noveria internal affairs for any ammo schematics that may have leaked as well, tell her it's a favour for Shepard. That was non-standard ammo to cut through her shield like that."

If he'd been a few seconds faster, her head swam as she struggled for breath, he would have been hit by that second bullet.

Her teeth dug into her lip until she could taste the harsh bitter taste of copper. She felt this gaping hole rip deep in her stomach before Garrus pulled her deeper into the building. He’d gotten her into an empty room before he looked at her and his mandibles wavered hopelessly.

“You’re bleeding,” he was frighteningly quiet before his thumb wiped her lip clean.

He reluctantly pulled his hand away but she could still feel the fire it left behind. She wanted to throw her arms around him and pull him tight, never letting him go again, and by the look in his eye, Shepard figured he was fighting the same instinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late but in my defence time isn't real anymore so that's that.
> 
> In a more but not too serious note, I will be trying to update a bit faster. I've just been busy since I got a new job.
> 
> Also, you may recognize the flashback, I did want at least one to be the Garrus pov to one of Shepard's in the last fic and that felt the most appropriate.


	5. Aftermath

_"It's just snow," Shepard teased him as he threw on his custom made parka._

_"That's not all there is, Shepard. There’s also cold wind and ice," he quickly buttoned up the warm jacket before getting stuck on the second from the top, "Remind me why we don't we live in the tropics?"_

_"Because I sent you a picture of the place and you fell in love," she said, zipping up her own jacket, "I believe you said it had an 'air of peace' and was somewhere 'you could retire to'. I warned you about the winters. I even still have the messages but no it can't be as bad as Noveria."_

_Garrus tried to make a mental note to try and delete those from her omni-tool but Shepard stole whatever thought he had by coming up to him and helping him with the button he was stuck on. Her hands smoothed the slick fabric of the parka before looking up at him._

_"Besides you like the fireplace. The hot chocolate. Curling up under blankets with roaming hands," her face was soft before pressing a kiss to his lips, "Couldn't have all that without the snow and cold."_

_It was painfully domestic, like one of those aching dreams he'd have while she was gone. He didn't even try to bite back his yearning tone. It was like a part of him still couldn't believe that she was here with him. He'd sometimes wake up in a panic - thinking that these last few months just were a dream - before he'd feel her warmth on his plates as she snored in his ear._

_She slid his gloves on and he ached to pull her close. He didn’t know what happened for her to wake up in a good mood - maybe she was just excited to go somewhere - but he loved that carefree smile on her face._

_He locked the door behind them, the sensors activating automatically, he’d turn around to see Shepard making her way down the stairs lightly dusted with snow that had blown over. She’d walked just further down the path from the house to the car before time froze._

_All he could see was her prosthetic kicking up into the air before she tumbled to the ground. He couldn’t breathe. He was by her side in a second as she rolled onto her side. One of her hands grasped her thigh as she groaned, his hands awkwardly hovered above her before settling around her waist._

_"Yep," her voice was strained as her head tilted back with closed eyes, "There's ice there. I'm gonna bruise for sure."_

_Garrus just pulled her close, her fingers gripping his parka as he just felt her weight against him. If she had hit her head on the stairs, his asshole brain pipped up with before it trailed off to leave him with his anxieties._

_He pulled her closer, his face buried in her shoulder as he whined. He could hear her say something about being late but he really didn’t care about her doctor’s appointment right now._

* * *

They had barely gotten into the house - the door closing behind them - before Garrus just pulled her close. His grip was desperate, hands tight on her waist as he buried his head into her shoulder. His body shook and his subvocals were that deep rumble he had whenever he was upset.

“I’m sorry,” she said with her cheek against his armour.

“Don’t apologise,” he said, “It’s not your fault.”

His chest pushed out as he breathed in deeply, his hand moving to her hair and tenderly stroking it. His forehead pressed against hers desperately and she was reminded of their first morning after reuniting, Garrus trying to memorize her in case she didn’t make it back from their encounter with Hades.

“It’s just…” his mandibles fluttered against her face as he struggled in front of her, “Is this going to be your life? People trying to kill you again and again just because of what you mean to the galaxy?”

“It’s not like people weren’t trying to kill me before,” she said and he dryly chuckled.

“Yeah, that was a nightmare to live through too.”

“I miss the farmhouse…” he finally pulled away, cupping her face and she felt her breath leave her at the way his gaze was focused on her, “I miss _home_.”

“It’s still there,” she said, “We’re going to go back home after this.”

“I need to add turian beds to the guest rooms,” his mandibles wavered on his face, “Somewhere for dad and Sol to stay when they visit.”

Her hands cupped his face to press her lips against his. There was a knock on the wall from the living room and she leapt into the air, their armour clacking together as they whipped around.

“I know you’re having a sweet tender moment but can you come in here?” Solana’s muffled voice rang out into the entranceway, “Dad wants to talk about what happened.”

“Oh my god,” she whispered and Garrus just grumbled before pressing his forehead against hers.

“I’m gonna kill her,” he said and Shepard laughed, her head tilting forward.

His hand grasped hers and his eyes pierced through her. She realised he was holding onto that thought of them going back home together. Her stomach ached at the realisation, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she bit back another apology. Instead, she just slid her fingers into his and held it tightly.

“We better go before Solana interrupts us again,” she murmured and he stepped into the living room, their hands still twined together.

His grip was tight as they sat down together, Garrus’ gaze fixated on her as he moved to cup her hand with his free one. If she was being honest Shepard wanted to crawl into his lap and have him hold her until her anxieties melted away under his tender embrace. 

“Can you think of anyone who would try to kill you?” Castis asked.

Garrus and Shepard just shared a look before she pointedly said, “Do you want a list or just who I think might be relevant?”

“Right,” Castis said, “I should have realised who I was asking.”

Garrus was just staring at her hand buried between both of his. Shepard squeezed her fingers and his thumb trailed across her knuckles. She knew he was deep in thought by the way he’d tightened his grip slightly on her, trying to reassure himself that she was still there.

“There’s nothing leaping out at me,” he finally confessed, “There’s just too much that happened during those three years for it to be any use in figuring this out.”

“I should have guessed it’d be like finding a golden pyjack,” Castis sighed, his talons pinching his nose.

Guilt flashed through her as her mind instinctively went to that dark place. No matter how much better she was there was that voice nagging her that people wouldn’t suffer if she hadn’t just died when she was supposed to. She wasn’t sure if she should even sit here if Castis or Solana could be hurt because of her?

It might just kill her. She’d already hurt Garrus too much in the past to add to her sins here.

“I guess we just need to hope that one of your favours or someone else caught something,” Castis hummed before looking at Garrus’ gaunt face, “We’ll stop this, Garrus. You’re not alone.”

Garrus’ face lightened but Shepard just heard that dark voice inside of her grow a bit louder. She didn’t believe in a god anymore but she wanted to think that Garrus’ spirits were out there, keeping an eye on them.

* * *

It was a turian boardroom they found themselves in, Garrus immediately sitting down next to Shepard. His dad was somewhere near the Primarch - a turian she had never met before - and Garrus shrugged at her inquisitive look.

“I don’t know him either,” was all he could say before the meeting started.

It was terribly dull, schematics and technical details. Garrus was listening intently but she could tell it was upsetting him.

“...through the wall with a manual drill…” the turian droned and she felt Garrus hand gently pull hers closer to him.

Her fingers splayed in a familiar way and he quickly slipped his fingers through hers, her two middle fingers cradled by his grip. Her stomach swooped at the way he’d never fail to make her chest ache. It felt like a tiny secret, their entwined hands hidden by the table.

“Apartment was signed to Ursitius,” the turian said and everyone froze around them.

“Why is that bad?” Shepard asked.

“He was the general behind Shanxi,” Garrus whispered, and she nodded before he added, “Can’t be him personally, died years ago in a Batarian raid on one of the colonies.”

“It’s a statement though,” Hackett said, “Same one as taking the shot on Shepard.”

“Why can’t people be normal,” Shepard sighed while leaning back in her chair.

A rumble went through the room as a few turians laughed. She could feel Garrus’ chuckle through their connected hands and she had to bite back from smiling. Shepard wished she could push her head against his chest and hear it rumble through her.

“The apartment’s lease was signed before we announced Shepard’s involvement which is why this meeting has such few members," the new Primarch said, “We have a geth trying to figure out the leak for now but we were sent a message by those involved.”

It flashed up on the screen and the room went silent, Garrus squeezing her hand from under the table. She returned it as her throat squeezed with a dry aching feeling.

_Nasua’s sisters killed for her, I will do no less._

“Nasua?” Hacket asked and Shepard leant forward.

A turian explained the myth but Shepard just focused on the feeling of Garrus’ fingers through hers. He had already told her, pointing out the similarities in their culture when she showed him the Pleides. It referred a group of stars in Palaven’s night sky but one apparently went supernova a long time ago and the rest drifted away. In the story, Nasua was burned alive and her sisters roam the skies looking to slaughter anyone responsible.

His mom loved it and she could still see in her mind the joy on Garrus’ face as he told her that story for the first time.

She hoped that it wouldn’t be another thing he’d give up for her.

The meeting drew to a close and Garrus seemed reluctant to let her hand go. It was only until the last second that his hand slowly let hers slip free, Shepard treasuring the way his warmth felt before it was gone.

“We should probably sneak out of here soon,” Garrus said after accepting a new report, his omni-tool flashing, “I don’t like staying in one spot for too long.”

Shepard just nodded as they slipped away. They’d found themselves in another tunnel and Shepard felt a small stab of bravery.

“Is it alright?” her voice echoed around them, “I mean to go back to your dad’s place. I don’t want…”

Garrus froze in front of her and her fingers nervously twined together. She wondered if she said too much but he just stepped towards her and gently grasped her wrist.

“My dad has his own enemies, that house was built to be a small fortress,” Garrus gently untwined her fingers, “Where did you think I learned home defence?”

“I don’t have parents so I can’t say for certain but I don’t think human father-son bonding includes lacing your walls with an explosive mesh.”

“Next you’ll tell me humans don’t take their five-year-old son’s sniper training,” he said with a smile and she just looked at him.

She honestly could not tell if he was pulling her leg. It seemed too stereotypical, like a bad Alliance joke about turians that were in pretty bad taste.

“We’re expected to know how to shoot before boot camp,” he explained as they slipped into another tunnel, “School also teaches basic strategy. Boot camp is more to teach cooperation and teamwork rather than the basics of being a soldier.”

She nodded but it did very little to quell the anxiety brewing inside of her. Just because Garrus’ family could handle protecting themselves didn’t mean she wasn’t guilty of putting them in this situation in the first place. She’d only wanted to do something nice for Garrus, a gift to return some of the things that he sacrificed for her and it just blew up in her face.

“Shepard,” he gave her a look like he could hear that turmoil of her inner monologue, “This isn’t your fault, you can’t blame yourself because of what other people are doing.”

Shepard could only nod in response. Maybe one of these days she’d believe it. That she had no fault in the misery that surrounded her. Maybe one day she would wake up and no longer be a broken shell and instead be the woman that Garrus deserved.

He reluctantly let go of her before moving forward and she just watched his back, the startling realisation that if she genuinely wanted that she’d have to start stepping towards that on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added another chapter so that'll be the next tone. I figure a bit more buildup would be good. I've been working a new job so I'm hoping to have the next chapter up Saturday or Sunday. We'll see if I can get the last two up sometime next week too but that's a maybe. 
> 
> You can probably tell I've got a bit of a theme going on. It'll hopefully will pay up.


	6. Breathe

_“So who is it?” Solana finally asked from her seat on the bench, trying to pretend the two of them weren’t keening with grief for their mother just a few moments ago._

_Garrus gave her an inquisitive look, deciding he did not like the look on Sol’s face. It hurt how much she looked like their mom but he wasn’t going to back off when his sister needed him._

_“I know what a brooding turian looks like, Garrus,” Solana says and Garrus held back a curse, of course, his sister could sniff out he was in love, “Who is she… or he or they?”_

_“She.”_

_That was as close as he was willing to admit, especially since he didn’t know whether Shepard would ever return his feelings. This was the sort of thing that could turn into tragedy. Not that turians weren’t already predisposed to giving up everything for love._

_“What about you?” Garrus asked, trying to keep the attention off of himself, “Anyone in the last two years catch your eye?”_

_“I’ve been watching you and dad and I’ve come to realise it’s probably a good thing I have no one to love,” she said, “I don’t know if I’m as strong as the two of you are.”_

_“Sol…”_

_“It’s okay Garrus,” she gave him a weak smile, “I honestly don’t think I want that. I’ve realised I only need family, I have enough in my life. I won’t ask for trouble by looking for something I don’t need.”_

* * *

Garrus grasped her wrist before nuzzling her cheek. She could feel his hot breath brush against her skin and she gently wrapped her fingers around the front edge of his mandibles to gently stroke at the skin underneath. He purred - as much as he would deny it that's what he did - while he looked at her with half closed eyes.

"Shepard," his hand moved to her waist while he whined, Shepard murmuring something sweet to him before kissing his scars.

“I love you,” she felt safe enough here in his arms to confess again, regretting that those three little words didn’t leave her as much as he deserved.

He fucking growled before his hands cupped her ass. She barely had a moment to breathe when his mouth was on hers, tongue slipping into her mouth. For a man who had his first kiss with her, Garrus was an amazing kisser. She wondered if it was his critical eye, the turian was determined to get whatever gasp or moan of pleasure he could from her and had quickly learned her sweet spots under his inquisitive gaze. She whined as he pulled away with that burning heat in his eyes.

“You know,” he trailed a tongue across her jawline, Shepard shuddering under both the sound of his voice and the rough texture of his tongue, “My dad’s gone all day, Sol’s out shopping. It’s just you and me…”

“Whatever will we do to occupy ourselves,” her voice turned into that tone she hadn’t heard from herself since she suggested blowing off steam, “I guess I…”

He just pulled her close, gently nibbling the best he could with his hard mouthplates against her shoulder. Her fingers rubbed against the leathery skin of her neck and he jutted up into her. She smiled as she could feel his plates shift underneath her.

“That’s enough of that,” he said before lifting her up, her legs wrapping around the sensitive skin of his waist while feeling him shudder underneath her.

He was tender as he laid her down, fluffing the pillows around her so that she was comfortable. His hands bundled under her shirt before his lips were on hers again. Garrus’ voice rumbled through her as he shifted her shirt up, pulling away to get the shirt over her head. He quickly undid her bra, sliding it down her shoulders before lathing her breast with his tongue.

“You really like taking my clothes off,” she hummed, breathless as her lips flicked out to rub her swollen lips.

“Isn’t the best part of a gift unwrapping it?” he hummed before slipping his fingers into her shorts and tossing them somewhere behind him before his mandibles splayed a bit, taking in the scent of her arousal.

“I think the best part of a gift is how you look at me,” she confessed, “Like there’s no one else in this galaxy but me.”

Garrus just shifted her leg up, his eyes firmly on her even as he nuzzled the inside of her knee. His tongue flicking out to taste skin in his mimicry of a kiss. She felt her thigh twitch at how very Garrus that was.

She tugged at his shirt, hands uselessly trying to untangle the confusing snaps of his shirt before he gently eased her hands out of the way to undo them himself. His shirt fell to the floor and his pants followed, all it took was her fingers pressing against the head of his cock for the rest to slip out.

Her thighs rested on his hips and he cupped her cheeks, his gaze burning through her before pushing himself into her. There was this small whine in the back of his throat as Garrus pulled flush inside of her, his thumbs were gentle as they trailed down her cheeks and he kept himself still.

Shepard felt the ache of her stretching around him as he began to slowly rock into her. Garrus’ deep blue eyes never left her, focused on every subtle shift of her face and how she gasped in time with each of his thrusts.

He was memorizing her, she realised before a hot knife of guilt pressed into her throat. How many times had he thought it’d be the last time?

“I’m here, Garrus,” she whispered to him and it was like something snapped inside of him.

His head buried into her shoulder and she could feel his keen through her body. His arms pulled her close and she knew she was going to chafe between her breasts by the way his keel bone dug into her. His hips snapped up into her and her hands slipped to massage the skin under his fringe.

“I’m here,” her eyes closed as she felt pleasure throb inside of her in time with Garrus’ cock, “I’m here with you.”

His hands wove into her hair from behind and her hips pushed back into his onslaught. She bit his plates as she came, his grip tightening on her as she gasped and shook in his arms. Shepard’s hips canted up into his as he chased his own climax, only pulling her tightly against him when his cock began to twitch.

“I’m scared, Shepard,” he whispered against her skin and her body relaxed as she felt his seed shoot inside of her, “I can’t lose you again.”

That she didn’t know if he was talking about her first death or when she left made her chest ache. Her hands just tried to pull him closer, her lips against his scars.

“I’m scared too,” her voice pitched up like she was going to cry, face buried into him, “I don’t want you to be hurt because of me anymore.”

“Shepard,” he pulled away to brush away the tears streaming down her cheek, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

She just shook her head. Shepard pressed her forehead against his before he could pull completely away.

“It’s okay,” she murmured as he slid out of her, “I’m okay.”

She could feel the reluctance in his body as he stepped away from her. Fussing over her as he wiped her clean before grabbing her clothes to wear. Shepard knew Garrus was being a little self-indulgent as he picked out the shirt he bought for her to replace the one they had to throw away after she was shot.

While it wasn’t his first gift technically - that was the bottle of wine they shared after defeating the Collectors and was sitting on their mantle back on Earth- it was his first gift after they reunited.

She pulled the clothes on before Garrus pulled her close, curling up in his embrace as he carried her to the chair to the side. She quickly fell asleep as his talons gently trailed across her scalp and back.

* * *

"Knock, knock," Solana loudly proclaimed before immediately opening the door, Shepard’s head whipping up from where she was napping on Garrus’ chest, "Please do not be canoodling."

"If you're aware it's a risk then don't just walk in," Garrus snapped, his head tilting back in irritation at how she’d burst into their moment of peace as he rested a hand on Shepard’s back, "Who said you could come into my room."

"Hey Shepard," Sol ignored him while walking to Shepard, "mind if I steal you?"

"Uh… For what?" Shepard asked.

"Family bonding," she said simply before grasping Shepard's wrist, not really waiting for a response.

Whatever Shepard could expect from those words she was wrong as Sol lead her into the kitchen.

The noodles Solana had handed her slipped through the water’s boiling bubbles. She just watched it for a moment before Solana handed her a tomato. The former Spectre froze at the feel of the vegetable in her hand.

“I figured I’d show you how to cook.”

"Sol," Garrus warned her before raising his hands at Shepard’s irritated look, "I didn't say anything."

"I guessed," Sol simply said, "You only asked for premade meals and since you grew up in an orphanage it's not like you had anyone to show you."

Solana dug into one of the drawers before pulling out a knife. She pushed the handle into Shepard’s hand before slipping a cutting board underneath Shepard’s hands. Solana just leant back as Shepard put the tomato down, her hand wrapping around the knife awkwardly.

“Hold it like this,” Solana shifted Shepard’s grip on the knife, “It’s just a tool, not a weapon. You don’t stab vegetables.”

“I mean you kinda do,” Shepard said in response but she listened to Sol, her fingers grasping the knife gently.

Keeping in mind the movement Sol showed her she awkwardly sliced through the tomato, it was uneven and Shepard had to bite back her frustration at not doing it perfectly the first time. Sol, however, saw no issues and instead nodded approvingly.

“You’ll get better. Part of it is muscle memory,” Sol said, “Once you have that sliced then you need to cut those slices into small chunks. Human’s call that dicing.”

Shepard’s eyebrows furrowed together as she grasped the pile of sliced tomatoes, trying to dice them according to Solana’s instructions.

“You know,” Garrus asked from his perch at the island, watching the pair of them with amusement, “I was about to ask how you learned to cook Levo food but then I remembered that asari you dated.”

“I’m also just full of surprising talents. One of the Vakarian’s had to be,” was all Sol said in response as Shepard finished with the tomatoes, “Besides this is a sisterly bonding event, why are you here?”

Garrus just shrugged but Shepard was grateful that Solana didn’t push it. Garrus was already on edge with everything that was happening and it was hard enough on her when he had to leave to track down another lead.

“Okay,” Shepard hummed while activating her omni-tool to glance at the recipe again before lighting the stove, “So drain the noodles and just shove together in the pan then fry it.”

"Don't put it too high," Sol twisted the stove to a lower temperature as Shepard drained the noodles and grasped the wooden tool that almost looked like a spatula, "You can always cook things longer but you can't unburn something."

“That’s true of both levo and dextro food, should you get the urge to branch out,” Solana casually said like she wasn't dropping a bomb in the middle of their conversation.

Shepard’s grip tightened on the wooden tool as she tried not to get her hopes up. A more foolish part of her had this fantasy of cooking something for Garrus. It didn't help it converged right between her two insecurities but she had long given up on that dream.

“Sol,” Garrus warned his sister again and Shepard tried to hear if that was something he wanted by the tone of his voice, “Let her get the hang of food she can taste first.”

"Go anywhere in the galaxy and you'll find that cooking is just cooking," Sol just hummed, "all that really changes is just the ingredients. Besides she's being a quick study."

Shepard threw the tomatoes in with the pasta and some bacon she had already sliced, sprinkling the seasoning that Solana had suggested into it as well. Her stomach began to growl as the smell grew even more delicious, pride filling Shepard at the thought that she might actually make something edible.

It wasn’t anything fancy but she couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face, taking a forkful of food before humming.

“Now I have an excuse to eat more pasta,” she said excitedly and Garrus laughed.

“You can learn to cook other things too,” Garrus said, “You don’t have to just eat pasta.”

Shepard’s mouth opened but before she could respond the house violently shook. Garrus’ left arm caught her by the waist before she could topple over with his right arm awkwardly whipped across his chest to catch the plate before it could shatter on the ground. She heard an alarm begin to blare as Garrus immediately stood at attention while Solana curled up into herself before dropping to her knees.

Sol’s hands pressed into the side of her head, her eyes closing before Garrus lowered the plate to the island. He shifted over, unwilling to let go of Shepard, before looking at his sister’s shaking form.

“Sol?” he asked as Shepard eased away with a small reassurance to Garrus as he turned to her with a bit of panic.

Solana’s head wiped up and Shepard could see her eyes were wide. Shepard tried to step back before the turian woman’s arm reached out and grasped her wrist. There was something desperate in her eyes, a wild panic that filled the turian’s body.

“Don’t leave me,” she gasped out and Shepard just nodded before sitting down on the floor next to her, “Please.”

“I’m going to try and get ahold of dad,” Garrus said, his hand on his sister’s shoulder while he knelt down, “Shepard, I’ll be right back. Could you keep an eye on her?”

Shepard just nodded, swallowing her own anxieties down as he slipped out into the entranceway with his omni-tool up. Solana’s grip on her was still tight and Shepard felt a twinge of awkwardness.

“I’m sorry,” Solana keened, her head buried in her knees as her arms wrapped around her legs, “I didn’t want to… I wanted this to go right.”

Shepard shifted her legs in front of her, positioning herself between the stove and the island. She looked over to Sol, wondering if there was anything she could say. She’d always been inadequate in moments like this, never knowing what words could fix the pain.

“I…” Shepard said, looking at the metal of her prosthetics before breathing in until her lungs ached, “I was in the Citadel when parts of it crashed to Earth. I’m lucky to be alive truthfully.”

Solana’s hand began to loosen, her gaze on Shepard as the human just stared forward with her hand rubbing the nail on her thumb.

“They tried to save my legs but I was dying,” those days still didn’t seem real, Shepard’s apathy and just the endless tests made it seem like a bad nightmare lingering in the depths of her memory, “It was like everything my body could use to heal was just trying to deal with what was broken beyond measure. I didn’t turn around until they amputated them.”

“It was like a switch flipped inside of me, apparently,” her head knocked against the wood of the island, “They slapped these on me and told me to come back in a few months for prosthetics with nerve connections. I never did.”

“Why didn’t you?” Solana’s voice wavered.

“I was tired,” her voice wavered, it was more than she wanted to confess, “and I knew realistically if I could walk they’d force me to go back to the Alliance,”

Solana nodded before a shuddering breath spread through her body, “A Reaper shot the building I was in, I happened to be in the doorway heading out as it collapsed. Dad pulled me out of the rubble but I was the only one to make it.”

“You broke your leg right?” Shepard asked and Solana nodded, Shepard tried to remember when she had heard that.

“Dad dragged me across Palaven in a splint, didn’t get me out of shooting though,” Solana’s hand finally left Shepard’s wrist as a familiar dark look spread across Sol’s face, “Do you ever wonder if it had been easier if you had died instead?”

Shepard wished she had been stronger, was stronger. Her throat ached as she nodded and Solana patted Shepard’s knee. She heard Garrus’ footsteps returning as Sol buried her head into her arms, something exhausting in the turian’s voice as she sighed.

“Shepard?” something wistful crossed Solana’s face as she looked at Shepard, “I always wanted a sister.”

Garrus entered the kitchen to crouch down next to them. He squeezed Shepard’s shoulder before looking at Solana in concern.

“You okay?” he asked and her mandibles spread in something falsely cocky.

“Of course, I am,” her voice gave away how much she was trying to hide it, “When haven’t I been.”

Garrus just hummed in response, Shepard bit back an apology as she realised he was used to this because of her.

“Dad’s fine,” Garrus finally said, “A bomb went off at the convention centre where you were supposed to ‘officially’ meet the Primarch. They’re waiting for more intel at that moment.”

Shepard just nodded. Another statement, even if she wasn’t there. She tried not to think about it. How many lives she’d torn apart by simply coming here. Garrus tightened his grip on Shepard, a concerned look on his face as Shepard just forced herself to smile.


	7. Separation

_That grief rumbled through his body, walking through his childhood home in a daze. It hardly seemed real as if he hadn’t watched his mother slowly die in front of him for a few months now. He found himself at that cupboard where they played a little game._

_It’s our little secret, his mother told him before showing him the hidden drawer._

_She’d hide candy or toys in it for him, as he got older more useful tools. It felt exciting as a kid while sneaked down in the middle of the night whenever she got that glint in her eyes._

_He pulled the bottom drawer out before easing a talon underneath the loose tile at the bottom. He barely heard his father coming as his hand shook, reaching in for the datapad._

_It spoke of her pride in him, watching him save the Galaxy. Judging by the dust it had sat there for years, waiting for the off-chance that Garrus would ever come home again. He couldn’t hold back, his subvocals crying out for his mom._

_“I knew from the moment I saw your mother,” his father said, his eyes dark with unspoken grief that shook Garrus when Garrus realised he understood, “That I loved her.”_

_He laughed a little, “She wasn’t so convinced. My parents didn’t like her either, they thought her irresponsible and not a proper choice for a mate. They told me to pick family or her, I chose her. Then she chose me.”_

_Garrus thought of Shepard, of how perfect it felt holding her and how dark his life was when she was gone. There was always this nagging feeling in him but right now he was certain, seeing his father consumed by that same aching pain he had when Shepard died._

_How long have I loved her, Garrus wondered with his chest aching, oh Spirits, Shepard please meet me again._

_“I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes with you but no matter who it is,” Castis looked at him, “Whoever you love will always be welcome in this house, I won’t make my parents mistake.”_

* * *

Shepard felt lost. Aimlessly wandering from one end of Garrus’ room to the other. She’d never realised how much of her he had taken home in, it was like she was missing his presence in a giant turian shaped hole in her heart.

“You’re being pathetic,” she scolded herself under her breath.

He was off with James and Victus - who had literally forced his way into the investigation - trying to track down the people hunting her and hardly needed her pining because she had to stay behind.

She needed to do something to get her mind off of his absence she thought as she just picked through her clothes without much thought. She was pretty sure she had brought a book with her, just in case she had to sit there with nothing to do.

“Commander,” Castis burst into the room, Shepard’s back jolted up straight.

“Don’t call me…”

“The sensors went off,” he said, keeping an eye out into the hallway, “They’re in the house. We have to leave now.”

“What about Garrus?” Shepard’s fingers wound tightly in her sleeves as she felt something catch in her throat.

“Do you really think I would just leave without letting my son know where we’re going?”

It did very little to reassure her.

Which wasn’t very logical, she knew that but she couldn’t help the cold hands of anxiety grasp her stomach. Her teeth worried her bottom lip, threatening to reopen the scab she had there.

“I left him a note,” he said, “Somewhere only he can find it.”

She nodded, her throat was still swelling with anxiety. She didn’t like this, she wanted to see Garrus, wanted to know that he was safe. Wanted to feel his fingers on her scalp, wanted it so badly it hurt.

“Can you still fire a gun?” Castis asked holding a pistol for her.

She could feel fingers digging into her spine, a cacophony of voices welling up inside of her. The Catalyst’s many voices combined with the Illusive man and Ander…

“Not without vomiting,” she confessed, nausea welling up inside of her just at the sight of it.

“Just in case,” he handed it to her, “I’d rather you vomit than be killed.”

She just nodded, not trusting her voice. Her hands shook as Castis peered out the doorway before gesturing for Shepard to follow. They heard something shuffle in Solana’s room, their backs pressed against the wall.

It was like Castis had become stone, his chest barely moving as he slid closer to the door. Shepard kept her eyes down the other side of the hall as she tried to keep anyone from sneaking up behind them.

He waited until the turian walked out the doorway, mouth open in shock before Castis grabbed him by his fringe. Castis pulling the intruder forward with his knee forward to keep the turian from crashing to the ground loudly. Shepard was struck by the similarities of his movement with Garrus as Castis pressed a gun to the back of the turian’s head and fired.

The only difference was while Garrus could be cruel, just on the edge from turning into a force of vengeance, Castis seemed apathetic. Like it was just something he had to do.

They left the corpse behind before they found themselves outside Castis’ bedroom. Castis rolled his eyes as they heard rummaging in it before crouching down, Shepard mimicking the best she could without getting her prosthetics twisted behind her awkwardly.

Another turian was digging through Castis’ dressers, judging by the way she stabbed her fingers into whatever gaps she could find she was trying to find a way into the hidden tunnel. And getting close, she thought before Shepard’s eyes flickered to the nondescript cabinet to the side where Garrus had shown her the way out just a few days ago.

Castis raised a gun and it was barely more than a second before the bullet flew through the intruder's skull. The woman dropped to the ground dead as Shepard had to admit that he probably was as good of a shot as Garrus, if not a bit better.

Castis stepped over the body while Shepard kept an eye out on the hallway. He opened the cabinet before sliding his talon into a small nook there, the hidden panel sliding to the side before Castis gestured for Shepard to slip in before he followed behind her and closed the hidden door.

It immediately dropped temperature as Shepard had to hold back a shiver. Her skin prickled with goosebumps as they kept moving forward, Shepard stepping over a long-discarded toy on the ground.

Garrus and Solana clearly had spent a chunk of their childhood down here.

The tunnel began to flare out, opening up into a cavern. Shepard wondered if the house was built over a cave or they had dug out a tunnel underneath it. Castis lowered his gun while keeping his eyes behind some of the cover around them.

“Don’t shoot,” his voice was barely a whisper as he spoke into the cavern, “It’s me.”

“Thank the spirits,” Shepard’s eyes adjusted to the light and she could see Solana’s figure by the far end of the cave before the turian woman ran to them, “I heard shooting.”

“Someone was trying to find this tunnel,” Castis said, “We have to keep moving before they realise we’re here.”

* * *

He tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, it seemed like they were following ends that lead to nowhere. It reminded him of what he hated about C-Sec that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get anywhere.

“We’ll find them, Scars,” Vega said, his voice rumbling through his helmet as the human ignored the small nod of respect he got from the turians around once they saw his red stripe.

Garrus had quickly shut that down earlier, saying it was only due to Shepard raising the reputation of N7’s among turians. James had just laughed, saying that it wasn’t the first time he benefited from Shepard’s reputation.

His omni-tool pinged and he whipped it open, expecting to read a tender message from Shepard that would soothe his nerves. Instead, it was an alarm for the house, stating that multiple sensors had detected movement.

One could just be a glitch, multiple was a sign something went FUBAR.

Garrus didn’t even explain before turning on his heel, Victus piping up with concern somewhere in his subvocals at how tense Garrus had suddenly become.

“Sensors went off,” Garrus finally spat out, “We need to head back.”

No wonder they couldn’t find anything, he should have realised he was being lured. He’d grown out of practice living on Earth.

And now Shepard might pay for that.

“Lola can take care of herself,” Vega tried to reassure Garrus but the turian just threw a hand up.

“Shepard has fired a gun once in the last few years,” Garrus bit back his temper, Vega was just trying to help, “Can’t even hold one anymore.”

Garrus sat down in the car without elaborating at Vega’s confused look before the door to the back and side opened right after.

“You’ll find her,” was all Victus said as he settled down next to him in the passenger's seat while James sat behind him.

Garrus froze before those words rumbled through his mind. Victus’ subharmonics were certain like it was something inevitable. His grip tightened on the wheel as the car took off before he finally asked in a quiet voice that hid the coldness that spread across his chest.

“How long have you known?”

“You carried a bottle of wine across a battlefield,” Victus said, looking out the window, “then you held Shepard’s hand in front of a General and that’s all before being on the Normandy with both of you. I don’t need C-Sec training to figure it out, Garrus.”

A puzzle piece snapped into place from just a year ago. No wonder they picked him out of all of the Spectres to protect Shepard. 

Garrus snarled a warning in his subvocals which brought Victus’ mandibles to spread from his face a bit in surprise. Garrus knew he was toeing the edge of being reprimanded but he frankly just didn’t care.

Victus’ face softened before something almost apologetic radiated in his lower ranges, “I’m a Councillor now, Garrus, I have to think like this. But I won’t apologise for making the right decision to keep the Commander safe.”

So he just felt bad about _having_ to weaponize Garrus’ feelings, Garrus darkly thought, not that he actually did it.

“Can someone translate for the human?” Vega asked.

Garrus just ignored him, nearly kicking the door open as they landed. He knew later he’d probably apologise to Victus. He never would have reconciled with Shepard if they hadn’t sent him and since he retired right after it wasn’t like Victus didn’t lose something with his actions. It also wasn’t like Victus was wrong, no one would have protected Shepard as he did.

He just missed when he didn’t have to scrutinize every action with Victus, back when he was just a General and Garrus outranked him.

They crossed the police line and Garrus froze at the sight of the mess that was apparent as soon as walking into the house.

Tapestries were tossed to the ground, Garrus gently stepped over a shattered vase that had been tossed to the ground along with the table it was on. 

His hands began to shake, anger settling in his limbs like an old friend. He wanted to snarl and rage, they came into his home and hurt his family.

His Shepard.

Something hot latched in his throat, spreading like fire to every limb in his body. He felt his face grow numb, his hands shaking while he fought the urge to tear apart every inch of this house. He knew she wasn’t here - especially if he wanted to believe she was still alive - but he couldn’t stop it. He wanted to hold her again, wanted it so badly he nearly began to cry.

"The rest of my team is just in the master bedroom," a Cipritine police officer said as he came out of the living room, "We're mainly just trying to catalogue what we find to ensure a smooth takeover by Investigations."

The turian saluted before heading back in, the officer's omni-tool scanning the room as they walked by. 

A body was sprawled face down in the hallway, blue blood oozing from the hold in the back of his head. Garrus quickly scanned it, making a note of how clean the bullet’s entrance was.

"Mercenary," was all Victus said as they came to the same conclusion. 

The insignia on the turian's armour was one Garrus had never seen before but that wasn't surprising. A lot of new merc bands popped up after the war and even then they may be only on Palaven. 

“It’s my dad’s work,” Garrus said looking over the scan, noting the bruise on the turian’s waist, “It’s a modified C-Sec takedown.”

"Modified?" James asked. 

"You're not really supposed to shoot if you can help it when you're in C-Sec, it's the sort of thing that causes diplomatic incidents."

Victus just nodded before they moved down the hallway. Sol’s room was ransacked but there was nothing missing as far as he could tell. He noticed something out of place in his dad’s though.

“One of you do this?” Garrus asked the nearest turian and he just shook his head as Garrus prodded the open panel to the secret tunnel, tilting his head as he wondered if he should crawl in.

“There’s no one in there, just some old toys,” the officer said.

“Why are there toys in the creepy tunnel under your dad’s place,” Vega asked, deciding that was the pressing issue rather than there actually being a tunnel there.

“It was probably Sol’s,” Garrus said before his head tilted with a hum, “Or mine.”

“We encourage our kids to play in escape tunnels,” Victus explained, “Makes it easier if something does happen for them to go in there and hide. I remember playing Spectres and Pirates with Tarquin in ours.”

“So questionable cultural things aside, sounds like all we have here is a ransacked house with no one in it,” Vega said before tilting his head to the corpse there, “Except her and the guy in the hallway.”

“These are only the only bodies,” one of the turians said, “Best guess is that Vakarian got the Commander out or we would have heard something.”

“Nothing else?” Victus asked and the turian shook his head, “Castis would not leave without a note. Especially not without Garrus.”

An idea popped into his mind and he pushed past people. His heart roared in his throat as he made his way through the familiar hallway to that cupboard. He ripped out the bottom drawer, tossing it behind him to crash against the wall. The board underneath was slightly ajar and Garrus lifted it.

He could feel his heart begin to weakly pound with hope as he pulled out a datapad. He took a deep breath before flicking it on.

“Garrus?” Victus called out.

“I know where they are,” was all he said before standing up, handing the datapad to Victus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking at the amount of chapter's you've probably noticed it went up from eight to nine. This chapter had to be split to push the confrontation into the next and I'll probably have to split that one but I have a thing with some of the titles so It'll have to be two more.
> 
> Also, I probably didn't explain the whole kids playing down there well. It's mostly just a technique so they're not scared of the tunnel when something bad does happen so they immediately go there because they associate it with feeling safe. It's also based off my own memories where I played with a literal hole in the wall under the stairs. It's sealed up now but I'm pretty sure I did leave toys in there. I'm sorry for not explaining that right but I also don't want to launch into paragraphs of exposition because that's not fun to read either. 
> 
> It's a world-building thing vs a writing skill thing.


	8. Determination

_The fire crackled in the pit in front of them and Garrus just enjoyed the feeling of Shepard curled up in his arms. With the fire, Shepard, and the blanket draped over them, he was pleasantly warm._

_“That one I know is Orion,” she pointed it out for him, his eyes following her slender finger into the stars, “You can see his belt and that’s his bow there.”_

_Garrus easily picked it out, seeing those three stars before seeing the rest of the body from there. Shepard pulled her omni-tool up, set to red to keep her eyes from losing their sensitivity to darkness, before looking at the constellation to the side._

_“Huh,” she clicked the pattern of six stars on the star guide, it popped up a small blurt and Garrus leant forward to read the story over her shoulder._

_“We have a similar story,” he hummed and Shepard looked up at him._

_“My mom loved it,” he wistfully said, fingers tapping on her back, “Dad used to rent a house out in the country so we could go stargaze. She’d bundle us up and point out the constellations while telling us the stories. Dad had probably heard each over a dozen times already but he’d always act like it was the first time.”_

_“I’m sorry I don’t have stories like that,” her eyelashes shimmered in the firelight while he felt himself swallow at how beautiful they were, “Of my childhood.”_

_His finger trailed down her face, pressing his forehead against hers. He rumbled something reassuring in his chest and felt her relax at the vibrations. His other hand began to rub her back as his plates scratched her back gently._

_“Could you tell me the story?” her voice was soft, her fingers grasping his shirt and she could feel his chest begin to rumble under her touch._

_His eyes closed for a split second before opening again, his gaze trailing down her face before clearing his throat._

_“There were once five turians who all loved their sister Nasua dearly,” he started and Shepard just watched him enraptured, listening to the smooth sound of his voice._

* * *

It was cool, shadows draped across statues of turians long gone. It was beautiful in that way that death could be, love shown in the way that Vakarians had cared for and grieved their dead.

It made tactical sense to hide in their family’s tomb vault. The corridors were winding and locked doors were everywhere, the entire thing shielded from scanning. It had been built with the intent of keeping out grave robbers and now it would protect the living Vakarians.

It did feel a bit morbid to hide from her killers in her new family’s grave.

“This is your mother’s family tomb right?” Shepard finally asked as they wound further into the corridors.

“Yes,” Solana whispered back, “it was mom’s responsibility but when she got sick, dad took over. Dad’s been showing me how to take care of it once he’s gone.”

It was probably a cultural thing but it shocked her when she first learned that turians were matrilineal. She had learned in the worst way with a bad joke about his dad’s parents before he blinked in surprise and stated that Vakarian was his mother’s family name and his dad married into it.

Though she guessed that she had her own mother’s name so she shouldn’t think too hard about it.

“Humans take their husband's names right?” Sol questioned, “That’s really weird.”

“Some humans do. It depends on where on Earth they’re from,” she said, “Shepard’s my mother’s name but that’s not cultural, he wasn’t around even before she died.”

Solana hummed something disapproving and she just shrugged. She wondered if it was another cultural thing, a culture built on a species just doing their duty without thought must have some bad views towards absent parents.

Castis said while unlocking another gate, “You have a spot here if you want it.”

Solana’s mandibles widened a bit in shock before something disapproving rumbled from her before she grumbled out, “Bad time to ask that dad.”

“My apologies,” his fingers dove into a crevice and pulled a lever deep inside, “I’ve been meaning to say it for a while but we’ve never really had a chance to talk.”

“I’m sorry,” she curled up into herself, her fingers worrying those old scars on her forearm.

“Being busy because you’re trying to survive an assassination attempt is an odd thing to apologise for,” Castis said before he finally stopped as the walls shook around them

She heard whining in the back of her ears, her vision going black for a split second before she could suddenly see again. In her legs where her implants connected to skin felt numb and she leant down to reboot them with a jab of her fingers.

“EM pulse,” he growled as her translator flicked back on, “Shit, the shielding generator would have gone down too.”

Both Solana and Castis whipped into action, drawing their guns while shuffling Shepard behind them. The seconds dragged by as Shepard crouched behind an ornate bench, her fingers trembling with the gun held tightly between her hands.

_How our lives would be different if_ _…_

She shook her head, hearing footsteps draw near after minutes of dragging silence. Shepard felt hope flutter in her chest that it was just Garrus, that she would be safe with him again.

Instead, a female turian walked in and her heart shattered in her chest. She seemed to be around Castis’ age, judging by the cracks in her face and the length of her mandibles. A face adorned with a colony design Shepard had never seen before and if she wasn’t pointing a gun at Shepard she probably would have called the turian striking.

“Stand up, Commander,” she said as mercenaries lined up behind her, “I have nothing against you personally, I’ll make it a quick death.”

Shepard stood up, her eyebrows furrowing together as she glared at the woman.

“Funny,” she tilted her head as her eyes stared Shepard down, “I always thought you’d be taller. More intimidating. I suppose it doesn’t matter. My name is Flaria Syltis.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Castis said, his voice calm in a way that sounded like experience, “You can still walk away.”

Shepard supposed this probably wasn’t his first time having to talk someone down.

“Save your noble speeches, I’ve been set on this path for thirty years,” there was something sharp in her eyes, a burning fire that threatened to consume them all. 

“So like what is it?” Shepard bluntly asked, “what pathos have you decided to use as your excuse? ”

"My brother died on Shanxi…"

"Horseshit," Shepard snapped and Castis gave her a concerned look.

He clearly did not want her to rile up her would-be killer even more but anger began to brew in her stomach. Commander Shepard could have held back her anger but since she began to heal her emotions were on a razor’s edge, it didn’t take much to push her into tears or roar with laughter.

Or have her entire body shake with rage as it did now.

"Excuse me?"

"Your reasons are horseshit," she gritted out, something hot burning in her throat, "My mother also died at Shanxi. You can hide behind his death all you want but you decided to do this."

"I guess you're right commander," her mandibles spread out and her teeth glinted, "however I think I'll live with myself just fine. You're not the first human I've killed and you're not the first to curse me."

Solana's mandibles were tight, both she and her father had their eyes firmly on the intruders. Judging by the way their fingers twitched Shepard figured they debating when to start shooting. 

"Humanity should have never left Earth. You're nothing more than animals, barely evolved from the animals you pretend to be above," Shepard's eyes narrowed at the blatant racism, an old wound clear in Flaria’s voice, "Even the krogan and batarians don't lie about what they are. Worse yet it seems the Hierarchy is forgetting this, they stand behind cooperation as you leave only slaughter in your wake."

"You said you've done this for thirty years," Castis finally said, his eyes narrowing, "What is your goal? Just wholesale murder?" 

"To keep them in their place, I've been doing it every time someone like Shepard appears," there was a sickening grin on the woman's face, "Diplomats, Ambassadors, even a few human sympathizers.”

“You killed Ambassador Maeda,” Castis’ face tightened and Shepard was struck by the family similarities between him and his son.

Shepard had seen that look on Garrus on the first Normandy and Shepard wondered if Ambassador Maeda’s assassination was Castis’ Saleon. The cold case they could never close.

The woman raised her gun and Sol and Castis raised theirs in return. There was a pained look on the woman’s face.

“There’s no reason to give your life up,” Flaria said, “It’s just a human.”

“She’s family,” Castis said, “from the second my son chose her that’s what she’s been.”

Something vibrated through the air around them, her head beginning to ache. She had never felt a subharmonic that pushed that low - Garrus’ hums were always so bright and seemed to melt through her body but this made it feel like her skull was rattling with the vibrations. She grasped her head, aching as she forced her eyes to remain open.

Whatever she was saying so below’s Shepard’s hearing was rude as Castis’ eyes narrowed with anger and Solana’s hand went to her gun.

“My son saved the galaxy with this woman,” Castis said, his body slowly shifting in front of Shepard while his face was firm, “How could I not be proud of him?”

Her teeth dug into her lower lip and her eyes burned.

Then it was like an explosion of movement and sound. Barely any time passed when the first mercenary dropped to the ground dead and Solana shot another in the arm. Shepard’s eyes noticed the glint of a gun pointed at her before Castis grabbed her shoulder to yank her behind him, blue blood splattering against the ground as the older turian grasped his stomach in pain.

“Dad!” Solana cried out, her face panicked as her gun wavered.

Shepard’s voice rang out in shock as she saw the glint of metal turn to Solana right before the merc’s head exploded. She could feel Garrus’ presence before she saw his lithe form slide in, shadows dancing across his face as something dark spread across him.

The air around Garrus practically snarled with anger as leapt to the side, a bullet from his gun bounced of Flaria’s shield. Shepard bit back a whimper of fear as Garrus threw himself at Flaria, his hand grasping her wrist to pull her forward. His omni-tool flickered with electricity in his other, slapping it on the woman’s back before frying her suit.

Flaria body convulsed for a second before her omni-tool shot out a carnage that threw both Garrus and her to the ground, molten fire dancing across their armour. Garrus hissed as his skin burned and his gun fell out of his hand to scatter across the floor. He pushed himself up to throw himself towards it, trying to whip back around as Flaria raised her gun at him.

Shepard bit back a whine as her hands began to waver, moving towards her gun. She felt her stomach begin to flip as she could taste vomit at the back of her throat. Those flames began to burn at her face but as her fingers were curling around it the sound of a gun rang out before she could pull the trigger.

Castis lowed his gun to slip it back into its holster before turning to his wound. Shepard felt her arms lock in position as the taste of vomit coated her throat. Garrus’ eyes were haunted as he looked at her, her lip beginning to quiver before her teeth sunk into it.

Garrus stalked to her before gently easing her fingers from the gun, shaking his head before the gun tumbled to the ground out of her weak fingers. Castis grunted in pain as he dug out the bullet, Garrus’ head whipping up before taking a step towards his dad. 

Castis waved Garrus away and he was immediately at Shepard’s side, kicking the gun away before pulling her close. She grasped his armour, desperate to hold anything near her. She felt her chest ache as she gasped for breath with her eyes looking around in a blind panic.

Castis nodded towards the door and Solana brushed herself off before slipping out with Castis. The room reverberated with Shepard’s panicked breaths and she could feel Garrus’ arms slip around her waist.

She felt it pressing at her mind like hot nails driven into her spine. Her breath caught in her throat as she began to try and suck in air, chest shaking with the effort. 

“I shot him,” her voice was nearly a wisp of wind as Garrus leant closer.

“Shot who?”

“Anderson,” tears began to bubble in the corner of her eye before streaming down her face, “I tried not to but I couldn’t stop it. He made me.”

“Shepard,” he whined, his voice thick with something, “Who made you?”

“I killed him, why did he say he was proud of me?”

“Shepard,” he grasped her hair, his breath against her shoulder as he tried to breathe in her scent with his fingers twining in the strands desperately as she sobbed.

“The Illusive man, implanted with Reaper tech. He dug his fingers in my spine,” she felt something chill spread across her spine as she realized exactly why those words were familiar.

Benezia was right, it really was like beating your hands on glass while your body committed atrocities.

“They’re gone, Shepard,” his grip was tight and she knew he picked up the similarities, “You’re not indoctrinated but they’re gone, there’s no one there to control you.”

She knew he didn’t really believe his own words. Contradictions peppered his statements as he tried to convince himself, starting to ramble in an attempt to soothe both of them. That doubt she had since coming back to life came back in full force - whether she was still even the same woman.

“I want to be free of the war,” she finally whispered back to him and he just finally stopped talking and cried, head buried into her shoulder as his body shook in her grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and then I'll eventually post an epilogue oneshot after all this. I'm also working on a different long fic so hopefully I'll have that ready soon.


	9. Our Future

_She could sense his presence before he said anything, the Aura that was Garrus Vakarian was undeniable. Still, she tried, tried to pretend nothing was there as she strummed her guitar. It wasn’t until he said something did something resembling anger flared inside of her._

_“Shepard,” she whipped around to glare at him before he awkwardly added, “Your life’s in danger.”_

_Of course, the council sent him. Of course, they’d send the one Spectre that simply seeing his lithe form tore what remained of her heart into shreds._

_“I told the Council to let it be,” she said, hoping that he would understand._

_Instead, he couldn’t. Couldn’t see that her life was a waste. He was immediately angry, demanding an answer. Demanding that she explain why she’d refuse a helping hand._

_She’d tried to tell him to leave but he refused, so she got angry back._

_“I’ll argue all I want,” she whipped open her guitar case, refusing to acknowledge why exactly Garrus dragged something resembling an emotion out of her after years of nothing._

_“Spirits,” there was something in his voice she refused to name, “Where are you going?”_

_“Home.”_

_She picked up everything and stormed off with a few harsh words, hearing him follow after her. Her instincts sung with something that took her a moment to realise there was a gun pointed at them._

_She didn’t have to think instead she just pushed Garrus out of the way and felt the bullet lodge into her shoulder. His eyes were panicked as he pressed a hand to it, blood coating his hand. He said something about a clinic and she barely understood what she was saying, pleading with anything to stay away from those memories of doctor’s and surgeries and that crushing darkness._

_Her heart uselessly flopped in her chest as he shielded her, shooting someone before his arms slipped under her thighs in a touch that left her breathless as she was hoisted up into his arms. She could feel the scabs on her heart peeling away as they threatened to bleed with his body so near to hers._

_Her life was worthless, she felt her wound throb with each pulse of her heart as he ran with her in his arms, why did he care so much to protect it?_

* * *

“I should have figured they’d make me do more,” Shepard whispered to Garrus, the turian laughing under his breath.

“Can you blame them?” he whispered conspiratorially back, his head tilting close, “Look at what they spent on the armour, they’re just trying to get their money’s worth.”

Shepard giggled, her face scrunching up as she bit back her laugh. Her eyes flickered up to Garrus and noticed his mandibles were tight to his face. She felt a stab of something dark before noticing the way his throat shifted, his eyes kept flickering down to her before looking away before sliding back to her face.

He was trying to hold back that damned love-struck look he was so good at.

She wanted to reach out, to hold his hand and make it clear to everyone around that they loved each other. Before she could step towards him the stage assistant came up to her.

“It’s time, Commander,” the assistant said and Shepard nodded.

“Almost at the end, Shepard,” Garrus looked forward with a sparkle in his eyes he only got near her, “Just a bit further.”

Shepard took a deep breath before stepping forward onto the stage and the Primarch came onto the stage from across. Shepard stood at attention in the middle of the stage, her eyes watching the glimmer of the shield in front of the stage.

The Primarch stepped forward with another turian with ornate armour standing next to him holding a velvet box.

“For going beyond the duty of your species and for your dedication to intergalactic peace I am proud to commemorate you with the Nova Cluster medals,” the Primarch said while the box was opened, three-fingered hand pulling it out.

“You are the first human to ever receive these medals,” he said, his hand hovering something just next to the N7 on her armour, "And I hope as with all of your endeavours you are a shining beacon to those who come after you."

"I hope your opinion of Palaven hasn't been soured by everything that's happened," he whispered, his green eyes focused on her while his mouth barely moving as he pressed it to her chest.

As the magnet on the back snapped to her armour, Shepard was immediately blinded for a moment as cameras began to flash and she fought against her instinct to close her eyes. 

Shepard slowly blinked to try and fix her eyesight while pondering his question, she’d never really thought of how she saw Palaven. The first time she saw the Turian homeworld, it was burning in Menae’s sky. Now it was healing, the scars of the Reaper war could be seen in it’s shellshocked inhabitants and the buildings that haven’t been repaired or replaced yet.

However, there was one scarred figure that came to mind whenever she thought of the tropical planet. Without Palaven she’d be lost adrift without the man she decided to love for life.

“I like it,” she finally said before grasping the Primarch’s wrist in respect, his hand around her wrist in return, “It’s a beautiful planet.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Commander,” the Primarch said before letting go and moving to stand in front of the podium, hands resting behind him before she could hear the rumble of his subvocals as he took a breath.

“I would like to officially announce the newest Hierarchy-Alliance treaty,” he said, “The Normandy Accord will not only establish the first official partnership between the two governments but will also fund interspecies cooperation in both military and civilian aspects.”

There was a flood of noise and Shepard held back a wince at how overwhelmingly loud it was.

“I hope this is only the first step towards showing our gratitude to the Alliance for their actions in the Reaper war and establishing an official sign of rapport,” Primarch Sancus stood firm against the noise, “as well as establish ties between the Vol Protectorate and the Alliance.”

“The treaty will be signed six galactic months from now on the Citadel with myself, Alliance Prime Minister Arnell, Vol Negotiator Donn Epo, and Commander Shepard as a witness. Copies will be made available.”

She just stood there while the Primarch answered questions. Her eyes flickered to the side to see Garrus’ tense form. His eyes were fixated somewhere past her as his omni-tool blared with information. She could tell by the way his mandibles were set that his mind was roaring with anxieties.

It was only once she was backstage again, plopping down on a crate, did he finally relax.

“How’d you get suckered into signing?” Garrus asked, holding a bottle of water for her.

“It was a compromise because they were gonna name it after me,” she sighed, twisting open the top before taking a swig, “At least it's just a day or two on the Citadel."

"As much as I would've loved to tease you about that, it's probably better being named after the Normandy," Garrus sat down next to her with his own water bottle, "A ship based on human and turian ingenuity seems like a good foundation for human-turian cooperation."

"Oh I think I'm really good at human-turian cooperation," she hummed with a wicked smile while he started to drink, "You haven't complained yet."

Water gushed from the slits in his nose and he coughed with his mandibles wiggling in discomfort. He pounded on the armour of his chest in instinct and Shepard's grin just grew.

"You know," his voice finally rasped, "I guess you're right about that."

* * *

His grip was tight in her hand as he led her out of the house. It was like he believed she’d disappear on him the second he let go. She recognized the fear while struggling with it herself.

Shepard squeezed his hand.

Garrus led her through their garden, it had clearly fallen into disrepair. But Shepard could see his dad was trying to beat back the chaos, a pile of weeds and trimmed branches lay to the side.

They walked an overgrown path, stones laid out below their feet before rising up into a small wooden bridge over a small brook that wound through the property. She heard the wood creak under her prosthetics, Garrus stopping a the apex to wrap his arms around her.

His fingers reached up to trail through her hair, slightly tugging on the ends. She could feel something dark begin to brew in her stomach, guilt at the thoughts that swelled inside of her during these moments.

“It’s a heavy burden,” she leant a bit further into her arms, eyes focused on a blossom shuddering in the night breeze, “Your heart.”

She felt a small sliver of relief at finally confessing that dark thought rumbling through her mind. She wasn’t used to living for herself - let alone for anyone else - and it weighed on her that one slip-up would no longer destroy just her own life.

“I sometimes want to rip out to those weaker parts of me,” her eyes closed, “Just so I can protect it.”

She had never deserved him, never will. She’d state that until she died. But Garrus deserved happiness and if he found it in her she couldn’t find it in herself to pull away.

She laughed before pushing herself upright, “Maybe that attitude is why I’m weak in the first place.”

“I don’t think you’re weak,” he reached out to grasp her hand and she flipped hers over so her could slide his fingers through his.

Her fingers tightened, her grip squeezing his with a smile, “Thank you.”

They just listened to the sounds of water lapping against the wood of the bridge. She heard the growl of an animal but Garrus looked unconcerned so she trusted that it wasn’t worth worrying about.

“I think I’m going to start talking to a therapist,” Shepard finally said, her eyes looking away from him, “It’ll take a while to find one that clicks though.”

He chuckled before pulling her hand closer. She couldn’t help but look at him, freezing at how beautifully the moonslight shone across his face. She could see Menae glinting in his eye and she whimpered at the sight, her chest burning pleasantly.

“I’ll support you, Shepard,” his mandible twitched with something warm and proud, “If this is the path you want then I’ll support you.”

Her throat swelled shut and she couldn’t help the tears that leaked down her face. He just gently brushed them away and she gasped, her heart beginning to weakly pound in her chest.

“You’re beautiful,” was all she could finally choke out and he just melted in front of her.

“I love you,” his voice was strained and she knew he was biting back his emotions, his eyes widening as his face grew soft.

She rested her head against her arm, her eyes on their entwined hands. He nuzzled against her temple before his tongue flicked in that way that was completely Garrus. Her eyes closed as she sighed before her mouth stretched open in a yawn.

He pulled her into his arms his mouth still at her temple before whispering under his breath, almost too low for her to hear, “Let’s get some rest, it’s a long day travelling back home tomorrow.”

She yawned again before nodding, letting Garrus lead her back to his childhood room. She dreamed of home with her head on his chest, that slice of the galaxy just for them.

* * *

She wasn’t sure when it happened when the sight of him outlined by the wooden doorway felt like coming home. But it did. Her chest ached at the curve of his back as he dumped their luggage into the laundry room to the side. He turned around to look at her and she knew he was just taking in that she was home with him by the way his mandibles splayed slightly.

“Garrus,” was all she could whisper before they ran towards each other, meeting in the middle.

His arms were around her waist as he pulled her close, her hand slipping up his back to grasp his cowl. Her other hand rested on his chest as she just breathed in his scent. Something sharp and almost metallic with a slight hum of something spicy. 

“I love you,” Garrus murmured to her but it was the first time she’d ever heard it where it wasn’t meant for her.

It was like he was trying to reassure himself that she was here. That despite all of their obstacles they were here together and he loved her.

That he didn’t have his one thing gone right slip through his grasp again.

“I love you too,” she murmured back, for herself.

His grip just tightened and she could feel his head shift against her skin as he nodded. They stood like that until her legs began to ache, Garrus reluctantly letting her go before ordering something for dinner. They had all the time now, Shepard reasoned with her aching chest, she could always just hold him later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the end. If you're wondering why the pov in the flashback shifted from Garrus to Shepard it's to mirror what happened in the last chapter of The Voice in the Dark where it shifts from Shepard to Garrus pov. 
> 
> I have a little epilogue planned but that'll probably be up in a little further away since I want to start my next longer fic tonight. 
> 
> Thank you again for everyone who commented and kudoed. It really does mean a lot and I hope that everyone enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to kinda be the flip side of The Voice in the Dark. Mainly Shepard's pov now with Garrus' flashbacks. Some of the flashbacks were actually supposed to be in The Voice in the Dark before I decided to have a mainly Shepard flashback. I hope you enjoy this.


End file.
